olive chan —  August 31, 2006


i’ve discovered that i’m a very angry person. surprised? yeah, so am i.

i finished reading Delighting God by Victoria Brooks last night. in it, she tells the story of Helen Keller and her teacher, Anne Sullivan during the initial stages of their relationship. knowing that Helen’s well-meaning parents would interfere with her teaching, Anne Sullivan takes Helen to a cottage for two weeks, during which she patiently and strong mindedly re-trains young Helen. after these two weeks, Helen has learned how to be a civilized member of society. however, her teacher wanted more from her. Anne Sullivan wanted nothing less than Helen Keller’s freedom. the cottage experience was just the beginning.

the author goes on to say that similarly, in our lives, God takes us to the Cottage so that He can take our bad habits away from us and make us into acceptable Kingdom subjects. and likewise, His aim is not merely for our civilization. God wants our freedom.

honestly speaking, i think i’m in the Cottage right now. i can’t understand why God has to make me face so many things, why He has to challenge me so much. why He can’t just leave me alone to rest! i’m thrashing about, throwing tantrums everywhere and as much as i want to run away, everywhere i turn, He’s there. my perspective of Him at the moment is that He is a demanding teacher, stripping me of everything i’ve grown accustomed to. oh, i know He loves me and that’s why He does this. but my finite mind just seems a little too small (or perhaps i’m too immature) to grasp His GOODNESS in all this. or maybe His goodness is being clouded over by my discomfort.

i switched over from soft contact lenses to hard ones yesterday. it sucks. i was amply warned beforehand that my eyes would itch, that it would be uncomfortable and that i’d want to give up. it still sucks. and it’s hard to be patient when i can’t see properly and all i’m waiting for is for my body to get used to it. i’m so completely helpless. i can’t change a thing. i guess that’s what this boils down to: i feel trapped.

so here i am stuck in the Cottage. full of anger. and desperately, desperately needing God.

Jesus loves me, this I know
for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me,
the Bible tells me so.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
~Hebrews 11:1~

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  • tim chan