Archives For olive chan

What It’s Like to Live with a Depressed Husband

olive chan —  May 9, 2013 — 5 Comments

[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), Tim shared his experience with depression on Monday, and I am sharing my experience as a wife of someone with depression today.]

The first time Tim allowed me to see his depression, I was shocked. We had gotten married in the midst of my own recovery from burnout so I had come into the marriage thinking I was the one who needed mending. I hadn’t realized that he also walked with a limp. He hadn’t really mentioned it while we were dating or engaged (mostly out of fear and partly because he hadn’t come to terms with it himself yet), so when he told me he was fighting depression, and that he had recurring bouts of it, I was surprised.
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How Having a Baby Grew Our Marriage

olive chan —  May 2, 2013 — 3 Comments

A recent NBC news headline advised, “Secret to marital bliss? Don’t have kids.” While it’s true that the marriage relationship does undergo significant strain in the transition of having a baby, becoming parents can also be an opportunity for growth in a marriage. That’s what happened for us.
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A Half-Truth: God Will Give You What You Ask For When You’re Ready

olive chan —  April 29, 2013 — 7 Comments

When I was single, people often tried to encourage me by saying, “Just keep waiting on God, He will bring about the right person when you’re ready.” It never really brought me comfort like the other party intended. I recently realized why. It’s only half-true.
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The Biggest Myth About Sex in Marriage

olive chan —  April 11, 2013 — 2 Comments

“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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Facing The Disappointment That Was Our Book Launch

olive chan —  April 4, 2013 — 8 Comments

How do you face disappointment? When a relationship falls apart, or a friend lets you down, or something you were looking forward to (like getting pregnant or clinching the next promotion) doesn’t happen, how do you respond? I don’t handle it very well. My instinct is to run from the pain, to numb myself with distractions and to avoid that awful feeling at all cost. It’s too uncomfortable, unpleasant and painful for my liking. So I scroll through my Facebook feed for the tenth time in four minutes. I lose myself in a certain online game of matching coloured candies. I text my friends to see if anyone’s around to chat. I search for something, anything, to soothe the aching hole in my soul where my dream used to be. Then I come to my senses and I sit down to blog.
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When Half A Night’s Sleep Is Still Enough

olive chan —  March 20, 2013 — Leave a comment

 [This is a preview of a guest post I wrote for SheLoves Magazine]

“Why do you keep thinking you don’t have enough energy?” my husband asked me one night. “You made it through today. You made it through this year of being a new mom. Why do you insist that you’re in deficit?”
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What My Baby Teaches Me About Being Human

olive chan —  March 18, 2013 — Leave a comment

One of the best gifts of becoming a mother is that I have the privilege of watching the process of human development unfold before my eyes. As I’ve observed Allie, I’ve come to (re)learn some basic truths about what it means to be human. As an adult, I find it easy to lose sight of the fundamental qualities of my humanness so I’m grateful that my baby, in her unfiltered and uninhibited way, shows me and reminds me of these things.
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How To Live With a Highly Sensitive Person

olive chan —  March 14, 2013 — 9 Comments

When Tim proposed to me, he had no idea he was signing up to live with a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I didn’t even know I was an HSP. We were both aware that I was more sensitive than your average person. I was sensitive emotionally, yes. But I was also sensitive to my physical surroundings. Certain places would be too loud, or too bright. Most perfumes and colognes would give me headaches. I would notice the slightest changes in my environment.
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Can Depression Be a Friend?

olive chan —  March 4, 2013 — 4 Comments

I have a friend. I haven’t seen her for a while now. She tends to come and go as she pleases. Every so often, she will drop in, stay a while and leave when she thinks she’s kept me company for long enough. Whenever she’s around, my days need to be re-organized. Hers is a quiet sort of demanding.
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4 Simple Ways to Be Kind to Yourself

olive chan —  February 18, 2013 — 1 Comment

I find it difficult to be kind to myself. I am my own harshest critic, taskmaster and mean-faced bully. I have been for many years already. I would probably continue to be, except that I have encountered grace and found it to be a much more enjoyable way of living. So I’m learning how to be kinder to myself; to be hospitable to my own soul and to extend generosity to the person I most closely live with.
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