Housework can be a source of conflict in a relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, siblings, roommate, or whoever you’re living with. When my wife and I got married and started living together, one of the things we had to decide was how to divide the housework. Who would do what? And how would we decide? Though it was fun, playing rock-paper-scissors for who would cook dinner didn’t seem like a long-term solution.
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Archives For Marriage
Guess what arrived in the mail today?
Olive and I are very excited to announce the arrival of hard copies of our books, Fight With Me and Then Came The Baby! There’s just something very different about holding the actual print copy of a book (compared to reading the ebook version on a laptop, tablet, or smartphone). Even more exciting is that these hard copies are now available for you, our readers!
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[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), Tim shared his experience with depression on Monday, and I am sharing my experience as a wife of someone with depression today.]
The first time Tim allowed me to see his depression, I was shocked. We had gotten married in the midst of my own recovery from burnout so I had come into the marriage thinking I was the one who needed mending. I hadn’t realized that he also walked with a limp. He hadn’t really mentioned it while we were dating or engaged (mostly out of fear and partly because he hadn’t come to terms with it himself yet), so when he told me he was fighting depression, and that he had recurring bouts of it, I was surprised.
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A recent NBC news headline advised, “Secret to marital bliss? Don’t have kids.” While it’s true that the marriage relationship does undergo significant strain in the transition of having a baby, becoming parents can also be an opportunity for growth in a marriage. That’s what happened for us.
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[This is an interview I did with Jake and Melissa Kircher, authors of 99 Thoughts on Marriage and Ministry and bloggers at The Holymess of Marriage. They're also regular contributors at Relevant Magazine.]
1) Why do you describe marriage as a mess?
Because when you get married you have to change. Period. Regardless of race, religion, age, economic status, or anything else. You’re living intimately with another person. Your quirks will annoy them. Your habits will be different than their habits. Your families will have different expectations and ways of doing things. Your pasts will end up being triggers for each other. Your faults will cause pain. Your fears will become tension points. Even your strengths can become areas of friction and jealousy.
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As I browse the magazines in the checkout line at the grocery I notice that the majority of cover stories are either about celebrities getting married or breaking up. It makes me wonder what the difference is between a marriage that lasts a lifetime, and a marriage that ends because of sickness, poverty, unfaithfulness, falling out of love, or other changes in life. I believe a major contributing factor to a marriage lasting or not is the mentality of the couple going into marriage.
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“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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“What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by our friend Vincent Ng. [Note: Although Olive and I have never considered a common law relationship for ourselves, we know more people are choosing this option (the 2011 census shows 17% of Canadian families are common-law couples). We decided to publish this post because we value and seek to learn from other perspectives about marriage and relationships, and hope this will generate helpful discussion.]
On March 28th, 2013 the government of British Columbia, Canada made some new changes to the Family Law Act that affects common law relationships in our beautiful province. Contrary to popular myth, common law relationships are not dictated by the federal government and are determined on a provincial level.
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Exactly 5 years ago I asked Olive to marry me. Rather than popping the question with a diamond ring, I planned to propose to her with a goat. It wasn’t a pet goat for her to keep in the yard and take for walks in the park, it was a goat to give away to a family in need. It was what she wanted, and it was one of the reasons I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this particular girl.
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When Tim proposed to me, he had no idea he was signing up to live with a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I didn’t even know I was an HSP. We were both aware that I was more sensitive than your average person. I was sensitive emotionally, yes. But I was also sensitive to my physical surroundings. Certain places would be too loud, or too bright. Most perfumes and colognes would give me headaches. I would notice the slightest changes in my environment.
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