“I can’t find any mature men to date.” All too often, this is what I hear from women – especially Christian women. They bemoan the fact that every man they know is not mature enough (or the mature ones are all taken). Well, here’s what I think: the mature man is difficult to find because the mature man is a myth. He does not exist.
Here’s the thing, every person is a work in progress. So instead of looking for the guy who is already mature in all areas of life, I propose looking for a guy who is moving in the right direction. Is he growing and willing to keep growing? Then give him a chance.
That’s what I did.
Before I started dating Tim, I had a list of qualities that I thought I wanted in a potential mate. Among those qualities, I hoped that my future spouse could lead me spiritually. When I considered Tim, I realized he was less passionate than I was about certain spiritual disciplines such as prayer and contemplation. When I realized this, I had to ask myself whether his lack of “maturity” in this area was a deal breaker or not. But then I looked at the rest of his life and saw that he valued personal growth and had a vibrant relationship with God. And he helped me grow as well. That was good enough for me.
I have another friend with a similar experience. When I first met her then boyfriend, I was quite unimpressed. He didn’t read and he spent his days playing video games. Clearly, he had some areas of immaturity. But somehow, she saw his heart to keep developing himself and she gave him time to do so. Now, a number of years later, he is almost an entirely different person. And I’m so glad they got married.
I’m not saying date just anyone. You need to like each other, be able to be yourself around each other and be heading in the same direction in life. But it is important to look for his heart and his willingness to grow. In the end, I think that matters more than finding a man who is already “mature.”
photo credit: greekadman via photo pin cc