As this pregnancy has progressed, I have found myself struggling with fears and insecurities I never thought existed in me. In the last couple months, I’ve asked T at least three or more times a day week a common yet impossible to answer question, “Am I fat??!”
The other day we were laughing about this situation and he asked me what I was really asking. What was behind this question about being fat or not? Someone (a mother of grown children) told him I was looking for affirmation. I think that’s part of it, but for me, it is deeper than that even.
Anyway, here’s my attempt to decipher my own question. I can’t speak for all pregnant women, but I know that for myself, when I ask, “Am I fat?” I’m really saying: I’m having a hard time loving myself and accepting this changing body of mine. I wonder if I’m still beautiful, acceptable, lovable and valuable. The person I had been so accustomed to is no longer. Can I love this new me? Maybe you can help me love me?
Of course, I know that the deepest, most satisfying love I seek ultimately comes from God’s heart toward me. But I am learning that sometimes, it helps to borrow my husband’s or a friend’s love when I seem to have misplaced my own.photo credit: Greything via photo pin cc