Stop looking for a “Soul Mate”

“You complete me.” That is the famous line from Jerry Maguire that Tom Cruise’s character says to Renee Zellweger’s character right before he asks her to marry him.

Even though this line is super cheesy, it reflects the reality of what many people are looking for in a relationship: someone to complete them. And once you find this person, then you should marry him or her and spend the rest of your life together so you can live happily ever after.

Recently I wrote a piece for the Sep-Oct 2012 edition of Converge Magazine entitled, “Why you’re looking for the wrong person to marry”. In the article I explore the origins of the commonly used term “soul mate”.

Here’s an excerpt:
“Where did the notion of a soul mate come from anyways? I went to Google to find the answer (and Google told me that Wikipedia had the answer). Apparently, Plato came up with the idea (waaay back when the earth was flat). He introduced it in The Symposium where one of his characters tells the story of how humans originally had four hands and four feet, and a single head with two faces. But the god Zeus feared the might and strength of these humans and split them in half, leaving them to spend the rest of their lives searching for their other half or ‘soul mate’ to complete them.”

Any honest married couple will tell you that their spouse does not make them completely happy. Yes, there are times that my wife makes me happy, but there are times when she completely annoys and frustrates me.

But that is besides the point. The idea of finding the person that will “complete” you is absolutely the wrong way to approach marriage. God never intended your spouse to complete you or be your ultimate source of happiness. Marriage was designed for two people to learn and practice how to love and serve the other person. To succeed at marriage, you have to put your spouse’s happiness above your own.

So stop looking for your “soul mate” that will complete you. Because even if that person exists and you find him or her, it is the wrong person for you to marry.

You can read the full article online here, pick up a copy of the latest Converge magazine at a local church or bookstore, or subscribe and have the magazine snail-mailed to you.