Housework can be a source of conflict in a relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, siblings, roommate, or whoever you’re living with. When my wife and I got married and started living together, one of the things we had to decide was how to divide the housework. Who would do what? And how would we decide? Though it was fun, playing rock-paper-scissors for who would cook dinner didn’t seem like a long-term solution.
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Archives For relationships
[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), Tim shared his experience with depression on Monday, and I am sharing my experience as a wife of someone with depression today.]
The first time Tim allowed me to see his depression, I was shocked. We had gotten married in the midst of my own recovery from burnout so I had come into the marriage thinking I was the one who needed mending. I hadn’t realized that he also walked with a limp. He hadn’t really mentioned it while we were dating or engaged (mostly out of fear and partly because he hadn’t come to terms with it himself yet), so when he told me he was fighting depression, and that he had recurring bouts of it, I was surprised.
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When I was single, people often tried to encourage me by saying, “Just keep waiting on God, He will bring about the right person when you’re ready.” It never really brought me comfort like the other party intended. I recently realized why. It’s only half-true.
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“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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“What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by our friend Vincent Ng. [Note: Although Olive and I have never considered a common law relationship for ourselves, we know more people are choosing this option (the 2011 census shows 17% of Canadian families are common-law couples). We decided to publish this post because we value and seek to learn from other perspectives about marriage and relationships, and hope this will generate helpful discussion.]
On March 28th, 2013 the government of British Columbia, Canada made some new changes to the Family Law Act that affects common law relationships in our beautiful province. Contrary to popular myth, common law relationships are not dictated by the federal government and are determined on a provincial level.
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When Tim proposed to me, he had no idea he was signing up to live with a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I didn’t even know I was an HSP. We were both aware that I was more sensitive than your average person. I was sensitive emotionally, yes. But I was also sensitive to my physical surroundings. Certain places would be too loud, or too bright. Most perfumes and colognes would give me headaches. I would notice the slightest changes in my environment.
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I have a friend. I haven’t seen her for a while now. She tends to come and go as she pleases. Every so often, she will drop in, stay a while and leave when she thinks she’s kept me company for long enough. Whenever she’s around, my days need to be re-organized. Hers is a quiet sort of demanding.
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I’m going to be candid with you today. I’m going to write about real sex. Call me naive, but when I got married, I did not know much about sex. I grew up in a conservative church where we were taught that sex was reserved for marriage only. I believed that (and still believe the best sex is within marriage), so I tried not to think about it and decided I’d keep my virginity until I got married. Actually, I was pretty afraid of my sexuality in general. Which meant I had a lot to learn when I finally became a wife.
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“What I Learned” is a guest post series of readers telling their personal stories about lessons they have learned about relationships in hopes of helping us all grow and cherish the relationships that matter the most to us (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by Laurie Rappeport from Safed, Israel. (Note: While we may not agree with everything Laurie writes in this post, we wanted to publish this because her thoughts offer a great opportunity for discussion. We’re excited to hear your responses.)
About ten years ago someone accused me of something that I absolutely had not done. It came like a lightning bolt out of the blue and obsessed me — how could this person believe that I had acted in a way that was completely unethical, and that went against everything that I believed? What had spurred this false accusation? And most importantly, how could I get my reputation back, even if it was just with this one person?
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Earlier this year, Tim wrote a piece about looking for the wrong person to marry. “Thanks for writing this,” responded some readers, “now I know who NOT to look for. But I’m still left with the question, who DO I look for??” It’s a great question.
“You just know,” is probably the most unhelpful answer of all time. But if you took a poll of married people on how they knew they wanted to marry their spouse, that is a common answer you might get. Maybe if you were a very intuitive decision maker, you would just know (and if that’s the case, this article is not for you). But for the rest of us, although I don’t have all the answers, here are some factors that might be helpful when considering whether the person you’re dating is someone you’d want to marry. Continue Reading…
