Archives For relationships

We met the summer before I entered university. He was handsome, sporty, and impressively intelligent. A year my senior, he looked out for me during my first months as a frosh.
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Many families I know live by the motto, “Family First.” Olive and I try to live by this principle as well. We believe that relationships are the most important thing in life, and of those, our relationship with God and family are the most valued. But what does that look like practically?
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“There are two types of friends: friends of the road and friends of the heart.” I heard someone refer to this African concept in a talk once and thought it was a very perceptive way of describing friendships. As I think about the friends in my own life, I would have to agree.
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[This is an excerpt of our book, “Then Came The Baby“, about the time I fought with my in-laws shortly after Allie was born.]

Before Allie was one week old, I had a big fight with Olive’s parents. They were so angry they wanted to cancel Christmas.

Well, technically no one could cancel Christmas. But they wanted to cancel Christmas with us by changing their plane tickets to fly back to Toronto early.
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“It’s your big day, you deserve for it to be perfect – the way you’d always dreamed for it to be.” So goes the common sentiment when it comes to brides. This line of thinking might be good business for wedding magazines and bridal shows, but in reality, it’s untrue. If I could write a letter to all the women out there who are planning for their wedding day, here’s what I’d say:
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Housework can be a source of conflict in a relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, siblings, roommate, or whoever you’re living with. When my wife and I got married and started living together, one of the things we had to decide was how to divide the housework. Who would do what? And how would we decide? Though it was fun, playing rock-paper-scissors for who would cook dinner didn’t seem like a long-term solution.
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[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), Tim shared his experience with depression on Monday, and I am sharing my experience as a wife of someone with depression today.]

The first time Tim allowed me to see his depression, I was shocked. We had gotten married in the midst of my own recovery from burnout so I had come into the marriage thinking I was the one who needed mending. I hadn’t realized that he also walked with a limp. He hadn’t really mentioned it while we were dating or engaged (mostly out of fear and partly because he hadn’t come to terms with it himself yet), so when he told me he was fighting depression, and that he had recurring bouts of it, I was surprised.
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When I was single, people often tried to encourage me by saying, “Just keep waiting on God, He will bring about the right person when you’re ready.” It never really brought me comfort like the other party intended. I recently realized why. It’s only half-true.
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“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by our friend Vincent Ng. [Note: Although Olive and I have never considered a common law relationship for ourselves, we know more people are choosing this option (the 2011 census shows 17% of Canadian families are common-law couples). We decided to publish this post because we value and seek to learn from other perspectives about marriage and relationships, and hope this will generate helpful discussion.]

On March 28th, 2013 the government of British Columbia, Canada made some new changes to the Family Law Act that affects common law relationships in our beautiful province. Contrary to popular myth, common law relationships are not dictated by the federal government and are determined on a provincial level.
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