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[This is an interview I did with Jake and Melissa Kircher, authors of 99 Thoughts on Marriage and Ministry and bloggers at The Holymess of Marriage. They’re also regular contributors at Relevant Magazine.]

1) Why do you describe marriage as a mess?

Because when you get married you have to change. Period. Regardless of race, religion, age, economic status, or anything else. You’re living intimately with another person. Your quirks will annoy them. Your habits will be different than their habits. Your families will have different expectations and ways of doing things. Your pasts will end up being triggers for each other. Your faults will cause pain. Your fears will become tension points. Even your strengths can become areas of friction and jealousy.
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“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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I’m going to be candid with you today. I’m going to write about real sex. Call me naive, but when I got married, I did not know much about sex. I grew up in a conservative church where we were taught that sex was reserved for marriage only. I believed that (and still believe the best sex is within marriage), so I tried not to think about it and decided I’d keep my virginity until I got married. Actually, I was pretty afraid of my sexuality in general. Which meant I had a lot to learn when I finally became a wife.
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