What I Learned: 10 Things Your Spouse Needs to Hear You Say

Guest Blogger —  August 5, 2013 — 9 Comments

[“What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by fellow blogger Ngina Otiende.]

Words have creative power.

The universe was created with words.

In marriage and when life gets busier – kids, career commitments e.t.c – the small things tend to suffer first.

10 Things Your Spouse Needs to Hear You SayAffirming, building, creative words are usually forgotten, replaced by practical, ‘real’, unexciting often uncreative vocabulary.

Once exuberantly expressed and deeply felt, our creative powerful words lie unused.

I am a working progress in every area I’ve listed below and I think most of us are. (Please feel free to add to the list in the Comments section). Here are the 10 things that your spouse needs to hear you say:

1. I need you

We first see vulnerability in our relationship with God. He says we must become as little children in order to inherit His kingdom.

Sweetness and intimacy in marriage is often found in brokenness. We must never stop needing each other. And showing each other that we need each other.

2. I am praying for you

Prayer is powerful. And most people appreciate being lifted up in prayer. When going through a rough patch, your spouse will feel affirmed and cared for. Letting your spouse know that you are praying for them deepens intimacy.

3. Please, Thank you

Joyce Meyer shares the story of this couple friend of theirs who were incredibly courteous with each other. The words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’ filled their every day vocabulary. It drove Joyce crazy.

“Who in that world does that any more, you are married for goodness sakes!” she thought.

Later on, she began to see and appreciate the value and beauty of a life filled with courtesy, gratitude and humility. Such words reflect our attitude of love, respect, appreciation, honor and awe.

4. I love you because…

I think most of us want to know why we are loved.

When my husband tells me that he loves the way I handled a particular situation or appreciates the way I made a certain meal, I am over the moon.

Being specific, (“I love you because…”) instead of being general, (“I love you”) often builds up our spouses in a deeper way.

5. You are beautiful/handsome

Your husband/wife needs to know that you still find them attractive.Life has a way of altering our physical landscape. We need to hear that we are beautiful in each others eyes.

6. I believe in you

I love hearing these words from Tommy. I feel affirmed and strengthened. I think most men agree that a wife who stands by them (through thick, thin and loony) is a treasure and a gift. We are made to be affirmed.

7. No

Marriages need boundaries. And it’s not just a matter of creating boundaries – the harder work is in observing them. I love it when Tommy puts his foot down. I am pushy persuasive and sometimes the most loving thing Tommy can tell me is “No babe”

Most couples are opposites in terms of personality. We bring different strengths into the relationship and balance each other out.

8. I am sorry, forgive me

So often we say “am sorry” because we want a battle to end. Real repentance means acknowledging your faults and making a turn to become better. It means dealing with yourself first.

When you are open and honest and mean what you say, your spouse will often sense that. And your true repentance maybe the only thing needed to resolve whatever issue is on the table.

9. What do you think?

We need to involve each other in our decision making processes. Involving your spouse communicate that you value them, their thoughts and insights.

For women, it’s one of the ways they feel loved. It affirms your partnership and often helps manage expectations.

10. You are my hero

“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” Hoosier farmer

Your spouse may not act “heroic” all the time. But being a hero has nothing to do with perfection. It’s about the things that they do well (there must be something they do well since you married them).

The world already tells your spouse what they can’t do or can’t be. There’s so much pressure to perform and shine. Your spouse needs to refuel from your faucet of love. If you don’t refuel them, who will?

Question – What other things do you think spouses need to hear?

 

About the Author:

Ngina-OtiendeNgina Otiende is a writer who loves helping others take charge of their lives. She’s passionate about intentional growth and relationships and wants to ignite the same passion in others. She’s married to her hero and they live in MD, USA. You can read her blog, follow her on Twitter, and find her on Facebook. 

This post was originally published on Intentional Today, and republished with permission.

photo credit: ishaip

  • Thanks for having me today over Tim and Olive. It’s an honor to share my heart with your readers.

    • This is a really great list, really glad that we could share this with our readers!

      • So glad I connected you with Ngina. She’s a woman of God who aspires to make our lives more intentional.

    • So awesome to see both of you connect!! Yes!!!

      • Thanks for connecting us Paul! :)

        • Pleasure’s all mine. I look forward for some creative collaboration between you two. :)

  • Thank you for this post. There are some things on here I need to work on for sure. Thanks for the reminder =)

  • Lisa Kidder

    Thank you for the reminders of the little words that count so much.

    I would add that in addition to telling your spouse you are praying for him or her, you should pray together as a couple. Then your spouse can hear you pray for him or her.

    When I hear my husband pleading to God on my behalf I find a more sure foundation is laid beneath my feet.

    • Yes, that’s an excellent thing to add to the list!