Tim and Olive's Blog

[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), I am sharing my experience with depression today, and Olive will be sharing her experience as a wife of someone with depression on Thursday.] When I first met Depression, I hated it right away. Read More

A recent NBC news headline advised, “Secret to marital bliss? Don’t have kids.” While it’s true that the marriage relationship does undergo significant strain in the transition of having a baby, becoming parents can also be an opportunity for growth in a marriage. That’s what happened for us.
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When I was single, people often tried to encourage me by saying, “Just keep waiting on God, He will bring about the right person when you’re ready.” It never really brought me comfort like the other party intended. I recently realized why. It’s only half-true.
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[This is an interview I did with Jake and Melissa Kircher, authors of 99 Thoughts on Marriage and Ministry and bloggers at The Holymess of Marriage. They’re also regular contributors at Relevant Magazine.]

1) Why do you describe marriage as a mess?

Because when you get married you have to change. Period. Regardless of race, religion, age, economic status, or anything else. You’re living intimately with another person. Your quirks will annoy them. Your habits will be different than their habits. Your families will have different expectations and ways of doing things. Your pasts will end up being triggers for each other. Your faults will cause pain. Your fears will become tension points. Even your strengths can become areas of friction and jealousy.
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[“Courage Is” is a guest post series of readers sharing their personal stories of courage and what it means to live courageously. This is Sarah Richardson‘s story.]

If you’ve talked to me for more than 10 minutes you’re probably inclined to think I’m fearless. I’m not, but somehow I still give that impression.
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As I browse the magazines in the checkout line at the grocery I notice that the majority of cover stories are either about celebrities getting married or breaking up. It makes me wonder what the difference is between a marriage that lasts a lifetime, and a marriage that ends because of sickness, poverty, unfaithfulness, falling out of love, or other changes in life. I believe a major contributing factor to a marriage lasting or not is the mentality of the couple going into marriage.
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“What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by our friend Hannah Wong Greiner.

[Before you go any further, kindly click on this YouTube Link and let it play as you scroll down to read this post.] Many of you will be familiar with the story Alice in Wonderland, especially the animated Disney version released in 1951. The most memorable song for me is the “Unbirthday Song.” In that scene, Alice is shocked to see the Mad Hatter, March Hare and the very adorable Dormouse celebrating what they explain is an unbirthday party, which occurs 364 days out of the year. She soon joins the party and has a fun time singing and enjoying tea and cake.
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“Good sex = good marriage.” That’s a commonly accepted line of thinking in our culture. You see it in movies all the time. Recently, Tim and I watched “Hope Springs” with Meryl Streep. The general plot line went like this: A couple sits in a counselor’s office on opposite ends of the couch and admit they can’t remember the last time they had sex. Over the course of the movie they reconcile their relationship and at the end, they fall into bed in ecstasy.
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“What I Learned” is a guest post series of lessons learned in relationships that matter the most (you can send us your story too). This guest post is by our friend Vincent Ng. [Note: Although Olive and I have never considered a common law relationship for ourselves, we know more people are choosing this option (the 2011 census shows 17% of Canadian families are common-law couples). We decided to publish this post because we value and seek to learn from other perspectives about marriage and relationships, and hope this will generate helpful discussion.]

On March 28th, 2013 the government of British Columbia, Canada made some new changes to the Family Law Act that affects common law relationships in our beautiful province. Contrary to popular myth, common law relationships are not dictated by the federal government and are determined on a provincial level.
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How do you face disappointment? When a relationship falls apart, or a friend lets you down, or something you were looking forward to (like getting pregnant or clinching the next promotion) doesn’t happen, how do you respond? I don’t handle it very well. My instinct is to run from the pain, to numb myself with distractions and to avoid that awful feeling at all cost. It’s too uncomfortable, unpleasant and painful for my liking. So I scroll through my Facebook feed for the tenth time in four minutes. I lose myself in a certain online game of matching coloured candies. I text my friends to see if anyone’s around to chat. I search for something, anything, to soothe the aching hole in my soul where my dream used to be. Then I come to my senses and I sit down to blog.
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