Tim and Olive's Blog

Sever me from myself that
     I may be grateful to You;
May I perish to myself that
      I may be safe in You;
May I die to myself that
     I may live in You;
May I wither to myself that
     I may blossom in You;
May I be emptied of myself that
     I  may abound in You;
May I be nothing to myself that
     I may be all to You.

Desiderius Erasmus (1406-1536)

THICKER THAN WATER

having relatives over is turning out to be a surprisingly pleasant experience.  in the last four days, i’ve learned stuff about my family from my uncle that has been rather fascinating.  i’ve learned the history of my dad’s chinese name (‘cuz my uncle was the one who named him!) and i’ve heard about lots of interesting foods from their home city that are no longer prepared or consumed.  but the coolest tidbit of info thus far has been that my grandfather (who i never had the chance to meet) used to be a thespian!  he showed my uncle pictures of himself as a youngster, acting on stage.  so it’s in the genes!!  :)  how very interesting.

ON YAKS AND PADDED BRAS

it’s looking to me like the closer it comes for me to leave, the more “stuff” God is revealing that i need to address. not that everything needs to be solved, but i think it’s stuff i haven’t acknowledged, stuff i’ve been trying to ignore.

take the issue of self-esteem. on monday, my friends and i were chatting and one of them pointed out that i may be offered a yak next year (implying a marriage proposal in local terms). immediately, my other friend chimed in, “yeah, what’s your price? like how many cattle would you require before you accept the offer?” my reaction? sorry, i’m not for sale. honestly though, i was a little hurt by the question. mostly because i want to believe that i’m more valuable than a herd of cattle (or even a yak!).

which leads me to yesterday, when i went to Pacific Mall with my visiting relatives. while looking at the qipao (traditional women’s dresses), my aunt remarked that i’d look good in one but i should get some padding to enhance my figure. again, to be honest, i appreciate that i’m not built like the typical model (very few people are) but i don’t need someone to draw attention to my deficits! gah.

anyway, i’m starting to wonder when all this poking and prodding from God is gonna end. i know i definitely prefer comfort and ignorance to this, but i suppose this is all a part of the Refiner’s Fire.

sigh.

Daddy, please tell me again that You love me.

HEART TRANSPLANT

about a month ago, at Willowcreek, i heard this analogy: sometimes, God has us up on the operating table. we’re vulnerable, open and bleeding all over the place. most of the time, when we’re there, we want to crawl off the table and hide our sickness. those around us see the mess we’re in and are tempted to react by shrinking away. but it’s those times that we have to hold each other’s hands and encourage each other not to get off the table until the Physician’s finished.

this weekend, i was on the operating table. i saw for the first time that my heart, which i had thought was relatively soft and responsive to others, was actually a heart of stone. i saw that at the core of me, i’m a selfish brat. and i saw that God, in His grace and patience, was slowly transforming this stone into flesh. of course, it’s a painful process but i’m gonna stay on this table until the transplant is complete.

ACTUALLY, I DID FORGET…

people say that riding a bike is one of those things you never forget how to do. well, either i’m exceptionally forgetful, or the saying is wrong!

this past saturday, i went bike riding for the first time in probably over 13 years and yep, i had to learn how to do it again. i don’t really know what i was expecting the experience to be like when my friend suggested that we go bike riding to prep me for my life overseas but i can truly say that it was not the most pleasant of experiences. it was actually quite uncomfortable, humbling and patience-testing. there were a few moments at the beginning when i had to decide to keep trying and really push myself to conquer the task. happily, i fell just once. haha… so i only acquired a sore bum and a very big bruise on my leg. :p

i think this experience taught me a couple things about learning. 1. learning anything new requires determination and effort. but don’t give up because it’s not impossible. and 2. having a patient friend to ride alongside, encourage and guide you makes the learning process much more bearable.

i guess these are lessons i should keep in mind as i tackle a new language and culture next year. ;)

one last thing: author and speaker John Maxwell believes that a person must keep growing daily. one of the questions he uses to help determine growth is, “when was the last time you did something for the first time?” i think for me, even though it wasn’t technically for the first time, learning to ride the bike again was indeed a moment of growth. and one i’m quite happy to have gone through. :)

YES, BUT

in celebration of our nations’s 137th birthday, our family took a road trip up to Midland, a town up north by Georgian Bay where we’d booked an afternoon cruise around the 30,000 islands. when we set off in the morning, it was nice and bright, a beautiful day. but as we drove, the sky seemed to get darker and darker. we were literally driving away from the clear skies and into cloud covered territory. as i was sitting in the backseat, i asked God, why are you allowing it to rain? it’s a vacation day. i was hoping for nice weather. and in the stillness, i heard His reply, it will rain on the journey. the sun will shine when you get there.

of course, God didn’t have to listen to my complaints and i really had no right to demand fair weather. but true enough, by the time we boarded the ship, the sky was blue and hardly a cloud was in sight (and as a consequence, i’m a little lobster-esque today ;p ).

the lesson? it will rain on the journey. on this side of eternity, while we’re living on this earth, there will be non-ideal conditions and hardships. BUT, the sun will shine when we get there. and that is our hope.

of course, it’s yet another piece of evidence that God spoils me. :)

REASON TO BELIEVE

(read the post below first before reading the rest of this)

so right after publishing my last post, i get in my car to drive my computer to a friend’s place to get it fixed. as i back out of the driveway, i see a faint rainbow. now a rainbow is a sign of God’s promise never to destroy the earth by flood again – a promise of goodness, a promise of life (see Genesis 9:12-16). so picture me, in my wavering faith, glancing up to see God’s promise in the sky. but it didn’t end there.

as i’m driving down Bayview, the rainbow not only gets brighter, but i see that it arcs over the ENTIRE SKY. and not only that, but the rainbow lasts only for the duration of my drive. by the time i arrived at my friend’s place, it was all but gone again.

you could say it was a coincidence. or you could call me egocentric, but to me, that rainbow tonight was God’s way of splashing I LOVE YOU! all across the sky. His love note to me. i tried calling people to tell them to look, but they didn’t get to see it. God blows my mind. even though i lacked faith, God still pursued me and gave me reason to believe. He’s my biggest cheering section.

God spoils me.

TRUSTWORTHY SAYINGS

a few months ago, a couple of my friends were discussing how they were memorizing Paul’s trustworthy sayings in his letters to Timothy. truthfully, i’d never noticed them before then. and to be even more frank, even though it’s occurred to me to look into them more, i haven’t – at least not yet.

however, one of them sticks out to me as more precious than the others at this moment of my life. because at this moment, i am fiercely fighting onslaughts of doubt that are trying to pummel me to the ground. preparing to leave and trusting God to provide all i need for next year is proving to be a battle i hadn’t exactly anticipated would be this tough. i feel a little like i’m on a boat in the midst of a storm, trying desperately to keep the water out but somehow, waves keep crashing in onto the deck. but in between waves, things are ok.

some people say that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed. now i know a mustard seed is a very small thing so it shouldn’t be that difficult to find that little bit of faith. but if we’re honest with ourselves, there are times when even that speck of faith seems to be misplaced. having said all this, now you can appreciate why Paul’s trustworthy saying is so dear to me:

CHOICE

up till now, i haven’t posted links to anything on this site but this time around, i think it’s worth it.

the topic du jour, of course, is our federal elections. i will be the first to admit that when it comes to politics and government, i am terribly ignorant. but i do have a desire to become more educated. however, how could i possibly navigate through all the sites and opinions to find my own stance? moreover, where does God fit in? i think i am not alone in this dilemma. in fact, i know i’m not. many of us young (and not so young) Canadians (especially in the – dare i say it? – Chinese Christian circle) have good intentions but are either too intimidated or lazy to find real information and not just settle for general opinions. alternately, some of us don’t really care.

but for those out there who do care and want to take their voting privilege seriously, here’s something that may help: Election Chart a group of gracious individuals have taken the time to create a chart comparing the four major parties on 16 different issues. they’ve also included a few questions to help us evaluate more clearly.

i pray that we, as Canadian citizens, and even more as people who profess to follow Christ, would seek God’s heart for our nation and make wise, educated choices. may we be responsible stewards of our freedom.

SOMETHING FROM NOTHING

it’s been said that money can either be your master or your slave. and since i’m about to have an actual salary next year, i’m thinking about how to make money work for me. here are my thoughts so far:

1. money can be your servant by creating more wealth for you. my parents (and some financial advisors) recommend that i “pay myself” 10% of whatever i make and put it into some sort of investment so that it can work for me.

but then my question is, WHY? why should i care for more money? which leads me to:

2. money can work for you in places you cannot be all at once. by sending money to support people or organizations, you can let it represent you. so you can be “working” in many places even while you’re asleep!

but the really exciting thought is this:

3. money invested into God’s work becomes heavenly riches. so what is earthly and perishable can turn into something eternal! in my eyes, that’s like God is giving us a way to make something out of nothing. and that’s a pretty sweet deal.

makes you rethink how you want to spend your money, eh?