“There are two types of friends: friends of the road and friends of the heart.” I heard someone refer to this African concept in a talk once and thought it was a very perceptive way of describing friendships. As I think about the friends in my own life, I would have to agree.
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“It’s your big day, you deserve for it to be perfect – the way you’d always dreamed for it to be.” So goes the common sentiment when it comes to brides. This line of thinking might be good business for wedding magazines and bridal shows, but in reality, it’s untrue. If I could write a letter to all the women out there who are planning for their wedding day, here’s what I’d say:
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[“Courage Is” is a guest post series of readers sharing their personal stories of courage and what it means to live courageously. This is Marcela De Vivo‘s story.]
When I was only 36 weeks pregnant, I was told that my son wouldn’t survive birth and that if he did, he would likely quickly die after birth or before his first birthday.
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Recently, I watched this provoking TED talk called, “Why 30 is not the new 20.” In it, clinical psychologist Meg Jay challenges people in their 20’s to re-evaluate how they are spending their time and challenges the notion that one’s 20’s is a throwaway decade. She encourages young people to “claim” their 20’s by investing in who they might want to be, pursuing their careers by connecting with people beyond their immediate sphere of connections, and choosing their future families by being intentional about who they date.
One of my friends watched the talk and sent me this question, “That was a really inspirational TED talk – I watched the whole video. But I feel that, perhaps, this doesn’t take into account Christianity. In following God, I feel that I am being asked to forsake all my dreams and desires (a stable career, the opportunity to travel, and perhaps a spouse). I feel that by following God, that I am moving backwards through life. What are your thoughts on this?” Great question.
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When Allie was 5 months old, we took her on her first trip. That road trip to Seattle was a disaster. It’s taken me a whole year to muster up the courage to travel with her again, but this time, we’ll be flying.
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[May 6-12, 2013 is Mental Health Week in Canada. At least 1 in 3 Canadians experience challenges with their mental health each year. To grow empathy for people struggling with mental health and depression (and their families), Tim shared his experience with depression on Monday, and I am sharing my experience as a wife of someone with depression today.]
The first time Tim allowed me to see his depression, I was shocked. We had gotten married in the midst of my own recovery from burnout so I had come into the marriage thinking I was the one who needed mending. I hadn’t realized that he also walked with a limp. He hadn’t really mentioned it while we were dating or engaged (mostly out of fear and partly because he hadn’t come to terms with it himself yet), so when he told me he was fighting depression, and that he had recurring bouts of it, I was surprised.
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A recent NBC news headline advised, “Secret to marital bliss? Don’t have kids.” While it’s true that the marriage relationship does undergo significant strain in the transition of having a baby, becoming parents can also be an opportunity for growth in a marriage. That’s what happened for us.
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