I find it difficult to be kind to myself. I am my own harshest critic, taskmaster and mean-faced bully. I have been for many years already. I would probably continue to be, except that I have encountered grace and found it to be a much more enjoyable way of living. So I’m learning how to be kinder to myself; to be hospitable to my own soul and to extend generosity to the person I most closely live with.
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It’s our tradition to have pasta on Valentine’s Day. No, it’s not because we think Italian food is particularly romantic (although it is delicious). Nor are we trying to imitate that scene in “Lady and the Tramp.” It’s a tradition we’ve adopted because of what happened our very first Valentine’s Day as a dating couple.
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You would think that since my husband and I speak the same language, it would be fairly easy to understand each other. Somehow that is not the case.
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I’m going to be candid with you today. I’m going to write about real sex. Call me naive, but when I got married, I did not know much about sex. I grew up in a conservative church where we were taught that sex was reserved for marriage only. I believed that (and still believe the best sex is within marriage), so I tried not to think about it and decided I’d keep my virginity until I got married. Actually, I was pretty afraid of my sexuality in general. Which meant I had a lot to learn when I finally became a wife.
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I can’t begin to count the number of times Tim has saved my life. Not in any dramatic fashion, mind you. He hasn’t pushed me out of the path of a speeding train, or plunged into a freezing river to rescue my unconscious body. Although, he probably dreams of being my hero in that way. Still, he has saved my life. He’s done it in more daily, subtle, almost mundane ways.
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With pregnancy, I expected certain changes to happen to my body. The nausea, the fatigue, the hunger, the weight gain… these were all part and parcel of growing a baby. What I was surprised about was that a year after giving birth, my body was still undergoing changes. Sure, I might look the same to the casual observer but I’m really not inhabiting the same body as I had pre-baby.
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“Courage is not the absence of fear, but action in the face of fear.” – Unknown
As we launch into 2013, Tim and I both feel significantly drawn to the word, “Courage.” It’s an invitation, a challenge, a rally cry and a prayer.
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