HOUSE WASH!

do clouds ever run out of rain?

about half an hour ago, i was sitting here at my computer when all of a sudden, i started hearing a loud pit-pat on the roof. i pushed aside my curtains and i saw huge drops of rain coming down. a couple seconds later, water was falling in sheets. it was breathtaking and awe-inspiring. witnessing this brief but powerful downpour made me feel like a little child again – seeing the world with eyes of wonder, amazed at the might of the Creator. this is the God i serve. this is the God who loves me! this is the God in whom my future rests secure. oh, let me dance in the puddles and sing in the rain. :D

FRUIT SALAD

mixed bag of feelings today. i went through most of today with Proverbs 13:12a running through my mind, characterizing how i felt. but just now, i had a really great conversation with a friend that got the wheels turning in this rusty brain of mine. the question we were debating was whether it’s possible to live anxiety-free in this life since Jesus calls us to it yet we are so prone to sinning (you can mull this over for yourself!).

*thanks for the mental aerobics! you lifted me out of my little pit today :> *

Proverbs 13:12. today it’s the first half. second half… soon, perhaps?

I AM

I was regretting the past
And fearing the future…
Suddenly my Lord was speaking:
‘MY NAME IS I AM.’ He paused.
I waited. He continued.

‘WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE PAST
WITH ITS MISTAKES AND REGRETS
IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.
MY NAME IS NOT I WAS.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE FUTURE
WITH ITS PROBLEMS AND FEARS
IT IS HARD. I AM NOT THERE.
MY NAME IS NOT I WILL BE.

WHEN YOU LIVE IN THIS MOMENT
IT IS NOT HARD
I AM HERE.
MY NAME IS I AM.

~Helen Mallicoat

HE KNOWS MY NAME

I have a maker, He formed my heart
Before even time began my life was in His hands.

~Tommy Walker

Tommy Walker’s song is really just a contemporary expression of Psalm 139. this weekend, i experienced the reality of it again.

on sunday night, a group of us left our retreat to attend a wedding banquet for one of the members of our church. at about 10:30pm we all hit the dance floor. now you have to understand, the guys in our group rarely dance, in fact, i think the majority didn’t even know how to slow dance. needless to say, it was a highly amusing evening. in all my years being at our church, i’ve never had so much fun with this group of people. and i think i haven’t laughed so hard since coming back to Toronto from my mission project.

on the way back to retreat, i realized that my misgivings of leaving retreat to go to the banquet had been silly and that God had planned it all along. He knew i needed to laugh again. He knew i needed the time just to have fun with the people i serve with.

my friend and fellow worship leader said to me just before we started to dance, “this is very different from sunday worship.” and i looked at him and responded, “maybe somehow this is worship, too.” in retrospect, i know what happened that night really was worship – because God’s sovereignty shone through and in the end, He got the glory.

praise God for meeting our needs before we’re even aware of them!

OFF AGAIN

long weekend:summer retreat with my church:almost three days away from home to focus on God. in a way, i’m looking forward to it. but i’m not really that excited about it. maybe because i feel like i’ve been on one long retreat since school let off. and maybe because i’ve felt a little like i’ve been in a bog since i got back from Japan. but still, i look forward to having time away from the everyday stuff just to spend with God. i pray that i can be open to His voice and that i can be an encouragement to those who will be there with me.

i’ve realized it’s difficult to live in the present. my tendency is to either live in the past or the future. hm. reminds me of a quote i read a couple days ago.

KINDERGARTEN REVISITED

when i was a small child, my mom taught me how to read and write chinese. after a while, i got too busy and too disinterested in learning the language so my chinese books sat in a drawer and collected dust. later, those books were packed into a box and hauled down into a corner of the basement. there they remained.

until yesterday.

i guess one of the benefits of being a pack rat is that you have stuff when you need it. now that i’m preparing to head to China, i suddenly realize that knowing how to read and write is actually a very good thing. mind you, it’s a lot more difficult to learn everything now, but it gives me hope knowing that countless people who have no chinese background have learned mandarin. and so i set off on this new adventure. starting with book 1: kindergarten.

JOLT

once in a while, you’ll hear about something that shakes the core of who you are and makes you rethink your life. this afternoon, my friend told me about his friend from another country who’d been attacked while leaving her campus one night, knocked unconscious and subsequently had to have an abortion. what’s more, these horrifying events were only part of all the pain she’s been through.

the only image in my mind after hearing about her was a limp, broken rag doll. my heart shattered when i saw the extreme brokenness that this girl was experiencing and i realized brokenness surrounds us daily. why has God chosen to protect me with His grace? why has He chosen to spare me from the dangers that devour so many people around me? i will never know the mind of God but i do know that i will thank Him for the life i do have and i will be ever more fervent in spending my days here on earth bringing His love to the hurting, sick and lost (which is really every person i’ll ever meet).