SAY WHAT?

while my mom and i were driving today, her cell phone rang. since she was driving, i answered it. i heard a voice and then i heard something very faint. since i thought the reception was bad, i just kept saying, “hello? hello?…” not hearing anything, i repeated it again. after about 20 seconds of this, i realized i was talking to a child and she was saying something to me. her mom had put her on the phone to say thank you to my mom for sending her a birthday present! and i had just rudely interrupted her numerous times!

after the phone call, i reflected on how that’s just like how i am with God a lot of the time. He’s trying to say something to me while i just keep blabbing on and on because i can’t hear His voice. and i get indignant because i don’t seem to get a response! anywho, that was just a “poke” from God today. ;p

on a side note, if anyone’s an earlybird and is crazy enough to come see me off, my flight out on monday is at 7:25am. so i’ll be at terminal 3 at 5:30am! honestly, i don’t expect anyone ‘cuz if i wasn’t the one flying, i wouldn’t be there either! hahaha…

…

packing, packing, packing… don’t really want to. but i know i have to… don’t know where to begin. hm, maybe doing the laundry would be a good start? ;p never thought i’d have so many mixed feelings and at such intensity. i wonder if this is a common thing for people to experience before leaving on a missions trip? …dunno. anywho, not much to write today. just one thing that’s stuck in my mind for almost a week now. in Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddel explains:

God made me for a purpose – to go to China. But God also made me fast… When I run, I feel His pleasure. Not to run would be to hold Him in contempt.

when i use my hands to make something beautiful, i feel His pleasure. and i pray i don’t hold Him in contempt.

WHAT HAPPENED?

since when did i become such a stressball? since when did life’s pressures get to me and steal away my sunshine? since when did the furrow between my brows deepen and establish itself as a frequent feature on my countenance? where did the carefree child run to? why is there a harrowed grown-up living in this mind? why do i not recognize myself?

how do i go back?

Oh Lord, grant me faith like a child!

SNEAK PEEK

from a recent journal entry:

Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.

Here I am. Three words, spoken repeatedly by various godly people. Isaiah, Samuel, Abraham, Moses, Jacob… each of them knew where they were when they heard Your call.

So where is “here” for me? “Here” is as a student, a small but determined faith, a single woman, a Chinese-Canadian, a gifted artist, a beloved daughter, a soul struggling with pride and sin… Here is a place where I am redeemed and bought with no less than the very suffering and death of my Lord Jesus Christ. Here is at 22 years, just starting her life. Here is in Toronto, heading to Sendai. Here is a worship leader and fellowship chair. Here is where I have yet to make a journey, yet to discover the full extent of Your love, yet to overcome the challenge of my own ultimate sacrifice. This is here. And here I am.

POP QUIZ

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cupful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.
~Amy Carmichael, If

5 REASONS WHY I’M THANKFUL FOR SARS

yes, i actually have found reasons to be thankful for that which is causing so much grief in our city and our world these days…

reason #1: it shows our human frailty. in this age where people are so confident in science and themselves, a disease like this is humbling and puts perspective back into who we are compared to God.

reason #2: it drives us to unite in prayer. stemming from the first reason, people all over the world have been gathering to pray for God’s mercy and intervention.

reason #3: it has raised awareness of sanitation. this is especially beneficial in China/HK where cleanliness was not a priority before. now people know how to wash their hands properly!

reason #4: it has redirected my mission trip. God has used it to take me to Japan, where i have to completely rely on Him!

reason #5: it makes me completely rely on God! from keeping me and my team healthy to helping us reach Japanese students, i have to give it all into His hands. and this lets me know Him deeper. :>

PARADOX

my prayer, a couple weeks ago, was that God would show me how i could crucify my pride. in that week, it seemed like every scripture i read talked about crucifying the old self so that the new self could have life in Christ. and with the Easter weekend, the topic was imprinted on my mind even further. but i did not know what crucifying the self looked like in real life. i asked God, what do i DO to crucify my sinful nature? how do i get rid of this pride that doesn’t seem to go away?

this morning, i realized i received my answer. it’s NOT what I DO, but rather what i LET GOD DO. one cannot crucify himself, he must be crucified by another. so my original question, while it seemed to be a humble request, was actually driven by pride! the answer was not within my power, but rather without. i cannot crucify my own sin, i must let God do it. in other words, the answer was HUMILITY – letting God break me and ever seeking to put His will before my own. in this new light, i gained a breakthrough in my own sensitivity to sin. i saw how often i put myself on high ground when i have no right to. and i have come to appreciate more of Christ’s actions and attitude as a model for my own. i’m so grateful we have a God who is patient enough to teach us step by step. i know this road is long but oh what joy it will be to face my Maker and present to Him a well-spent life for His glory!