100 ACRE WOODS

i just spent four nights living in a hotel in Florida where things are so extravagant that their sewing kits come in aluminum tins, the maids come in twice a day and the going rate for a room is $500 US/night. and it was all paid for – an award trip from my parents’ company. :) but looking out over the hotel grounds from our balcony, i couldn’t help but feel the grotesqueness of it all. the energy used to light and heat the building for a day would probably be enough to power a small country in europe for a week! all the opulence was pretty but it felt so hollow. all i could think was, “this isn’t real life.” real life is out on the streets. real life is the people in the soup kitchen who know what it is to live the human experience with no fancy trappings. real life is being in touch with God.

being in Disneyworld wasn’t much better. for all the messages of hope and world peace, it still stunk of materialism and commercialism. it was a very nice trip and definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience but i’m glad to be home, back in my little corner of reality. back where sandwiches don’t cost $8 and where trees are planted outside, not inside. where things are more-or-less natural.

LAUGHTER…

…is the best medicine. our ccf tonight held our program on humour. and oh, how hilarious it was! from colouring bible story pictures with pencil crayons to making up raps to our stories, it was so nice to be able to let loose and go crazy. :> yep, it was a wonderful time of fun and fellowship. and a lovely reminder of God’s gifts to us.

REMEMBERING

11:11am – the middle of drawing class. a minute of silence to remember.

remembering those who gave their lives for our freedom.

remembering the One who gave His life for my Freedom.

FOLLOWING THE HUMBLE KING

Oh kneel me down again here at Your feet,
Show me how much You love humility,
Oh spirit be the star that leads me to
The humble heart of love I see in You;

‘Cause You are the God of the broken,
Friend of the weak,
You wash the feet of the weary,
embrace the ones in need,
I want to be like You, Jesus,
To have this heart in me;
You are the God of the humble,
You are the Humble King.

the past two days have been wave after wave of God showing me the brokenness of our human condition. last night, at the International Christian Centre, our fellowship went to serve food to the people at the soup kitchen. there were more people there than usual and a number of us had some very meaningful conversations with the people there. usually, we leave at about 9:30 or 10:00 but last night, we stayed until at least 10:30, if not later. by the end of the night it was such a lesson in putting myself aside simply because i was so tired and hungry. but while we were waiting for the last few conversations and prayers to finish, we sang some songs. Humble King was one of them. i’d never sang that song with so much heart and understanding before. it wasn’t until i was weak, tired and hungry that i saw how Jesus came to serve me and all those around me who were weaker, more tired and hungrier than i.

then, in class today, my friend mentioned that she would have been a mom by now had it not been for a miscarriage. and she probably wouldn’t be in my classes had that not happened. i don’t know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words other than that my heart weeps for her.

my third lesson in brokenness came a little later today. another friend of mine is struggling with something and i was asked to help. i felt completely inadequate to help (and still feel that way). the best i can offer are my ears and Jesus Christ.

Lord, teach me how to love.

FOREVER AND ALWAYS

God is good. just when i start losing sight of my value in His eyes, He sends me two conversations in a day to reaffirm His view of me. i really don’t deserve to be treated so well. ;>

He knows my name,
He knows my every thought,
He sees each tear that falls
and hears me when I call.

soup kitchen run tomorrow… we’ll see what this visit brings. :>

OBSERVATION

something i noticed lately in my converstions with friends: my friends are more concerned about my health and wellbeing than i am. just a thought. :>

FIRST SNOWFALL

friendships are the most interesting things. how is it that two people can share a connection such that any action that either of them makes will affect both of them? how is it that the mere presence of a good friend can still anxieties and calm fears? maybe because each of us is afraid of loneliness that we appreciate company when we have it and seek it out when we don’t.

yesterday was one of the toughest days i’ve gone through in a very long time. emotionally raw and exhausted both physically and mentally, my day ran from 7am-2am non-stop. i’d slept over at my best friend’s place on thursday so i had to ttc it back to school, get ready for class, make it through 4 hours of costuming, ttc it from York to Scarbough, go through rehearsal, lead worship for Mike Clemon’s speaking event and go out for food with the rest of the worship team. but somehow, through it all, i know that God still used me to touch people – despite my being in shambles. i know that i was not alone because i had people praying for me. and i know that even when things don’t make sense, they will.