PERFECT PEACE

mountaintop is now over. the time has come to descend again back to the everyday life without God’s overwhelmingly glaring presence. not that He’s left. but it’s a quieter, more subtle presence.

physically, i feel so gross today. not sick. just little irritations here and there. my mom says it’s ‘cuz i’ve been sleeping late. hopefully, she’s right. i also have a mystery bug bite on my arm that’s insanely itchy (but i refuse to touch it ‘cuz it looks freaky enough as it stands).

spiritually, i’m facing a battle against myself. through a conversation with a friend last night, God has challenged me to review my relationships with certain people. am i willing to give up perfectly good friendships so that i can give 100% of my heart to serve my jealous God? will i trust Him enough to let go of the good to gain the best? will i trust Him to take care of the other person when i distance myself? i am so tired of the debate raging inside of me. so tired of all the things i have yet to do.

oh God, give me grace, that i can trust You. lead me by the hand, that i can follow You.

GOSSAMER WINGS

“keep the site sheltered. high winds damage butterflies’ gossamer wings.”
~attract butterflies to your garden (reader’s digest, aug 2002)

why is it so hard to keep faith?

God has been showing Himself so faithful to me especially in these past couple of weeks and i still find myself doubting His goodness. i can understand doubt in times of trial. but doubt in times of victory?

yesterday, i found myself wondering if God has been purposely emphasizing His presence in my life to prepare me for a time of devestation. it frightens me that i would think like this. that i would be suspicious of His grace. i’m not sure how i should deal with these thoughts. where is this pessimism coming from? are there thoughts like these echoed somewhere in scripture? i guess everyone comes across hard times sooner or later, so i shouldn’t be surprised if i were to experience loss or despair in the near future. but it just strikes me as odd that i would think of this in the midst of such a joyous time.

TOO MUCH…almost

wowee. what a weekend. it’s 1:00am and i’m waiting for my parents to get home from their three-day trip to the states. i’m tired, but i want to see them so i figured i’d try to be somewhat productive and write a little something here. :>

in short, i have been overwhelmed by God’s grace these past few days. He has been teaching me so much that i don’t know where to start sharing! i guess i’ll post some hightlights…

worshipping with John 4:24 last night at mel lastman square was unbelievable. in a way, it felt similar to the ROM event: i was simply there as a participant in God’s work. He brought a lady to us in the middle of the chalk drawing section who requested that we sing Amazing Grace. her son had died and he would have been 19 yesterday. she had just come from the cemetery and she really wanted to hear the song. i don’t know who was more moved at that moment – her or us. but one thing is for sure, God was certainly there. and so i praise Him.

this evening, people from York CCF came over for a planning meeting. it turned out to be a prayer meeting more than anything. we still got our planning done, but the depth of sharing we did and the intensity of prayer we had was incredible. i was reminded again of the fact that each of us face our own struggles in this life, but by God’s grace, we have people to share the road with. i have this theory that spending time in prayer before any planning or preparation happens increases the productivity immensely (be it worship team, fellowship committee…). tonight was no exception. and so i praise Him.

i’ve started to read a book called Future Grace by John Piper and it has strengthened me so much, especially in the face of all these events and responsibilities. the basic premise is this: God’s past graces, the ways He has shown Himself faithful, should spur us into having more faith in His future grace, the ways He will show Himself faithful. because of faith in God’s future grace, we can live out Christ’s command not to worry. in this way, we can also live with abandon in Christ. i’ve discovered a new prayer to pray for myself and all the people around me who are going through tough times. Lord, grant us more grace, and give us more faith! i thank God for giving us His word and His promises. He is faithful, indeed. and so i praise Him.

i am in awe that God would chose to work in and through us. we don’t deserve it. we let Him down time and time again! but still, He woos us, calling us to come near, lavishing His grace on us.

HERE AND NOW

just a short observation before i head off to sleepyland…
many times, in anticipation for a big event, we thank God for what He is going to do. that’s an important and neccessary demonstration of our faith. but we forget that He is already doing. here and now. that is one exciting thought!

BREATHING GOD

i’ve been hermiting these past few days. actually, that’s probably not the right term for it, but i’ll call it that anyway. on the outside, i’ve been continuing on pretty normally. although, i’ve been setting aside more time than usual to spend with God and reading His word (and less time on the computer :p). on the inside, i’ve decided to live through my day in a spirit of meditation, consciously giving thought to God more and trying to be more aware of His presence in each moment.

during this process of being still and seeking God, i’ve learned an interesting (and surprising) lesson: when you draw near to God, he increases your compassion for others. when i set out on this experiment of sorts, i thought i would feel further away from people when i got closer to God. but i found that i was actually caring more for the people around me and praying more for people. as i got closer to God, i wanted to bring people along with me! what started out as a decision out of selfishness (my original intention was to prepare for the John 4:24 event) turned into a lesson on God’s selfless nature. It’s in his nature to bless people. Right from the creation of Adam and Eve!

CONSUMER PRAYER?

if you look at the prayers the apostle Paul prayed, he asked for deep things. he asked that we would know Christ, that our relationships with God would grow deeper, that we would appreciate the breadth and scope of God’s love for us. he didn’t pray consumer prayers.

with these comments, the pastor introduced the prayer items tonight. but the last sentence stuck out.

he didn’t pray consumer prayers.

how am i praying these days? have i lost my focus on what God desires most for me? yes, God wants us to come to him for all things, but doesn’t he already know what our worldly needs are? He wants us to want more of Him. is that what i pray for? is that what we pray for?