Category Archive

LEANING ON THE EVERLASTING ARMS

of all the church retreats i’ve been to, this one has probably been one of the most ordinary. no huge revelations. no emotional high. no accidents. no lost voice. no cryfest. no soap operas (a sign of maturity for our group, i hope?). not even a waterfight. i know i went to meet God – to get away from the noise of everyday busyness and hear Him. i went with one particular issue weighing heavy on my heart. and proving His faithfulness again, He spoke. but it wasn’t anything extraordinary. it wasn’t even during the worship or sermons. He just affirmed my next step to take in Him during my devos. i think grounded is the best word to describe the weekend.

of all the times i’ve had to lead worship, this weekend was probably one i felt least prepared for. it wasn’t that our team didn’t have rehearsals or that we didn’t pray enough. but in the week leading up to retreat, God broke each of us down in our own way. the only prayer i could pray while leading each session was Lord, lead your people. let them encounter you in this time. let me encounter you ‘cuz i’m struggling. i felt like i’d fade in and out of a worshipful heart – i was so easily distracted. i hated that feeling. i felt almost hypocritical. but quitting was not an option. so i just kept praying that God would work despite my shame and my weakness. i don’t know if anyone enjoyed the worship times or if hearts were engaged, but i guess all i can do is trust in God’s promise of grace and stop worrying.

back in april, when my summer was just starting, i knew this summer would be a lesson in faith. but i never knew just how far God would be stretching me. from jobs, to getting back into residence, to the ROM, to John 4:24, to facing my failures, to entrusting Him with my friends and family, it’s been a crazy ride so far. but i’m soooooooo grateful for these lessons. and to think that i still have a lifetime to learn with Jesus… :>

OFF I GO…

to retreat this weekend. goin to listen to God. :>

PERFECT PEACE

mountaintop is now over. the time has come to descend again back to the everyday life without God’s overwhelmingly glaring presence. not that He’s left. but it’s a quieter, more subtle presence.

physically, i feel so gross today. not sick. just little irritations here and there. my mom says it’s ‘cuz i’ve been sleeping late. hopefully, she’s right. i also have a mystery bug bite on my arm that’s insanely itchy (but i refuse to touch it ‘cuz it looks freaky enough as it stands).

spiritually, i’m facing a battle against myself. through a conversation with a friend last night, God has challenged me to review my relationships with certain people. am i willing to give up perfectly good friendships so that i can give 100% of my heart to serve my jealous God? will i trust Him enough to let go of the good to gain the best? will i trust Him to take care of the other person when i distance myself? i am so tired of the debate raging inside of me. so tired of all the things i have yet to do.

oh God, give me grace, that i can trust You. lead me by the hand, that i can follow You.

GOSSAMER WINGS

“keep the site sheltered. high winds damage butterflies’ gossamer wings.”
~attract butterflies to your garden (reader’s digest, aug 2002)

why is it so hard to keep faith?

God has been showing Himself so faithful to me especially in these past couple of weeks and i still find myself doubting His goodness. i can understand doubt in times of trial. but doubt in times of victory?

yesterday, i found myself wondering if God has been purposely emphasizing His presence in my life to prepare me for a time of devestation. it frightens me that i would think like this. that i would be suspicious of His grace. i’m not sure how i should deal with these thoughts. where is this pessimism coming from? are there thoughts like these echoed somewhere in scripture? i guess everyone comes across hard times sooner or later, so i shouldn’t be surprised if i were to experience loss or despair in the near future. but it just strikes me as odd that i would think of this in the midst of such a joyous time.

TOO MUCH…almost

wowee. what a weekend. it’s 1:00am and i’m waiting for my parents to get home from their three-day trip to the states. i’m tired, but i want to see them so i figured i’d try to be somewhat productive and write a little something here. :>

in short, i have been overwhelmed by God’s grace these past few days. He has been teaching me so much that i don’t know where to start sharing! i guess i’ll post some hightlights…

worshipping with John 4:24 last night at mel lastman square was unbelievable. in a way, it felt similar to the ROM event: i was simply there as a participant in God’s work. He brought a lady to us in the middle of the chalk drawing section who requested that we sing Amazing Grace. her son had died and he would have been 19 yesterday. she had just come from the cemetery and she really wanted to hear the song. i don’t know who was more moved at that moment – her or us. but one thing is for sure, God was certainly there. and so i praise Him.

this evening, people from York CCF came over for a planning meeting. it turned out to be a prayer meeting more than anything. we still got our planning done, but the depth of sharing we did and the intensity of prayer we had was incredible. i was reminded again of the fact that each of us face our own struggles in this life, but by God’s grace, we have people to share the road with. i have this theory that spending time in prayer before any planning or preparation happens increases the productivity immensely (be it worship team, fellowship committee…). tonight was no exception. and so i praise Him.

i’ve started to read a book called Future Grace by John Piper and it has strengthened me so much, especially in the face of all these events and responsibilities. the basic premise is this: God’s past graces, the ways He has shown Himself faithful, should spur us into having more faith in His future grace, the ways He will show Himself faithful. because of faith in God’s future grace, we can live out Christ’s command not to worry. in this way, we can also live with abandon in Christ. i’ve discovered a new prayer to pray for myself and all the people around me who are going through tough times. Lord, grant us more grace, and give us more faith! i thank God for giving us His word and His promises. He is faithful, indeed. and so i praise Him.

i am in awe that God would chose to work in and through us. we don’t deserve it. we let Him down time and time again! but still, He woos us, calling us to come near, lavishing His grace on us.

HERE AND NOW

just a short observation before i head off to sleepyland…
many times, in anticipation for a big event, we thank God for what He is going to do. that’s an important and neccessary demonstration of our faith. but we forget that He is already doing. here and now. that is one exciting thought!