Category Archive

NO IDEA

A prayer by Thomas Merton.

My Lord God,

Therefore, will I trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

STILL HERE

i know i’ve kinda fallen off the blogworld lately. blame it on a job that requires me to be staring at a computer all day, no internet at home, going to Panama and yes, being in a courtship. :)

two very unrelated thoughts to post today…

1. i heard a cool analogy about sin this past week. imagine two guys flying a plane. the pilot looks down and sees a scorpion on his leg. he looks over at his co-pilot and asks, “what do you think i should do?” the co-pilot says, “put on your oxygen mask and let’s fly as high as we can. sooner or later, the scorpion will suffocate and fall off your leg.” sin is like that scorpion. the higher we fly and the nearer we draw to God, the more likely it will suffocate and fall off.

2. i don’t tend to post things like this, but just for fun:

alternative medicine guru, eh? hm. i suppose telling people about Jesus could count as alternative medicine… ;p

I, A THIEF(!)

I had a most interesting dream yesterday. In my dream, I robbed a house along with somebody else. I don’t know who that other person was, I only know I left that house with a black duffle bag containing stolen goods. I don’t know what goods were in the bag, I only know they were valuable and I would be in big trouble if it was found out that I had stolen them. Anyway, this other person and I somehow got into an elevator to make our escape. The elevator was packed with people. Suddenly, the elevator lurched and began to fly out of the shaft. I tried to conceal my panic.

The elevator took us to this spacious looking complex. Rumour had it that it was some sort of government screening centre and a jail. I was horrified. What if they discovered my bag of stolen goods?! Thankfully, I discovered that there was a long winding line-up (it was a government centre, what was I to expect?) and there were lots of corners to turn. I nonchalantly dropped my bag in a corner somewhere, hoping no one would notice. Everyone around me was carrying luggage too, but I was so worried about being found out that it didn’t matter.

Finally, I got to the front of the line. It turned out that the workers were really nice and they weren’t looking to put people in jail. We had a pleasant chat and they showed me around the building. The whole time though, I was half expecting someone to come running up to me with the bag I had dropped and ask me if it was mine. I expected to get busted. But I was fully accepted there and I couldn’t shake the feelings of guilt and shame of what I had hidden. I wasn’t free to enjoy the grounds or the company.

After I woke up, I asked the Lord what He wanted to teach me from this. As I lay there, He let me see that in everybody else’s luggage, they also had stolen goods!

Recently, I’ve been reading “Hiding From Love” by John Townsend. In it, he talks about how a healthy maturing process includes accepting the bad parts along with the good parts of oneself. As I read, God revealed to me that this is an area I haven’t matured in. My perfectionism and performance-drivenness stem from my refusal to accept the bad parts of myself and my coping mechanism is trying to hide my mistakes, failures and sins. In light of this, my dream was another way of God saying to me that I don’t need to be ashamed of my bag full of stolen goods, that everybody has them and that Jesus already paid for them.

My head understands forgiveness, but my heart is only just beginning to.

OH HOW WONDERFUL

i’ve been thinking about heaven recently. about my life here on earth in relation to heaven. about my 70 or 80 years and how they are really just a speck of time and yet God allows me those years so that i can make a difference in eternity. so i’ve been asking myself whether every aspect of my life is being impacted by this awareness. and evaluating, will this (whatever it is) last into eternity?

i’ve also been thinking about how i’m about to move yet again. and how i anticipate that i’ll be flying at least 11 times this year and spending time in at least 6 cities in 3 parts of the world before the year 2007 is over. it’s a lot of travelling. mind you, i’m aware that there are plenty of other people in the world who travel a lot more than i do. but for a homebody, it’s a lot.

i don’t think i mind the travelling part as much as i dislike the emotional impact of it all. it’s like everytime i get somewhere, i start building friendships and connecting with people and then i have to leave and uproot my heart. i kinda feel like the more places i go, the more bits and pieces of my heart are left all over the world.

which brings me back to heaven. i really look forward to being in a place where everybody is around all the time and it’ll be forever! no more packing, no more goodbyes, no more trying to squeeze in appointments with people… how wonderful it will be!

Oh how wonderful, oh how marvellous,
and my song shall ever be,
Oh how wonderful, oh how marvellous
is my Saviour’s love for me!
-from a hymn

BEING HUMAN

it seems to me that one of the reasons why God brought me back to Canada at this time is to teach me (re-teach me?) what it means to be human. from things like eating properly – not just what kinds of foods, mind you, i mean the actual act of eating properly (ie, chewing 20 times before i swallow) – to breathing every day (ie, not just shallow breathing, but deep inhaling/exhaling), God is reminding me that i need to live well and not neglect the basics.

i’m not sure what the spiritual implications of these lessons are… perhaps that my body, frail as it is, is God’s temple? but somehow i feel like i’m a toddler again. and it’s nice to know that in God’s eyes, there are things i’ll never outgrow. :)

TRUST

Olive, have you ever had acupuncture before?

looking at my naturopathic doctor, i emphatically shake my head, NO!

she looks at me, are you scared?

i emphatically nod my head, YES!

do you trust me?

how could i not trust her? we’ve grown up together.

so ten minutes later, i’m lying on my back with needles poking out from various points of my body. unexpected and weird, to be sure. but thankfully, not painful.

my first experience with acupuncture. and that was only a number of days ago. but as i was lying there, i got to thinking about her question, do you trust me? and i thought about how important it is to have trust. it’s not only important in things like acupuncture where someone else is inserting needles into your body, but it’s also important in friendships, where you have to take risks in opening yourself up to another. trust is also a key thing when it comes to our relationship with God. will i trust Him with where He’s taking me? will i trust Him with what He’s asking me to do? sometimes, the experiences He brings me through feel as awkward and odd as having needles poking out of my skin, but despite what i see, will i trust Him?

that, i guess, is what faith is all about.

SEE THE MORNING

there are two reasons why i love the new Chris Tomlin CD. the first, is that it’s a great CD both musically and lyrically. the second is because it carries much meaning in my life at this point. allow me to explain…

last year, my time overseas was THE hardest year i’ve experienced so far in this short quarter-century of life. ministry was slow, my health wasn’t the greatest and emotionally, it was a dark dark time. God was using that year to refine me and uproot some deep things in my life – a process that was very painful.

then i came back to Toronto.

and the blessings started to pour.

not only was ministry going well, progress was happening (slowly) on the health front and God was giving me opportunities to witness to several of my friends. as if that wasn’t enough, God moved a dear friend and godly man to pursue me. See The Morning was a gift from Tim to me a few days before he took the plunge and invited me into the adventure of courtship(!) [i said yes, btw :) read here for Tim’s exciting re-telling of the story]

there are many remarkable things about what’s happening in my life right now. but most of all, i’m amazed and comforted by the truth that our God is just as loving, faithful and worthy of praise in the dark nights as He is when the morning dawns.