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I’m supposed to write a paper today.  It is due tomorrow.  I don’t even know how long it’s supposed to be… (I just checked, 6 pages).  I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.  Yipes.

I suppose growing a baby takes a lot of energy.  Despite the fact that it is the size of a mere blueberry this week, it is already 10,000 times as big as it was a month ago!

Lord, have mercy.

[Update:  I ended up napping for 2.5 hours, asking for an extension and settling for writing out an outline today.  I’ll live with that!]

This week, we told our immediate family.  When we told my (O’s) mom, her first question was, “Is the baby due in November?”  I said it was either late November or early December.  She said she had been praying for us and had asked God to give us a November baby because I love the number 11:11 (side note: it’s my favourite minute and I think it merits a little dance whenever it appears on a digital clock).  I hadn’t even thought of that.  November of this year will be 11-11.  Will our baby be born on November 11th at 11:11:11?  Haha…  Would that be overdoing it?  I guess we’ll find out in seven months!

As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.  Back in January, our car got hit as I was driving home one sunny afternoon and even then, I thought “This was such a random accident, there must be more to this.”  It was the second car totaled in four months.  It took us another six weeks to find a replacement car and at the time, I was so swamped with school work that I didn’t even go with T when he went to shop for a new car.

He ended up choosing a 2001 Toyota Camry and the second I saw it, I knew this car would be our family car.  I could picture our kids in the back.  We would have it for a while.  Little did I expect that a mere month after getting this car, I would be pregnant! 

If I ever doubt the existence of God, I need only think of circumstances like this where timing could not be any more perfect.  Some could chalk it up to “coincidence” but I’ve seen this happen too many times in my life not to believe in Someone greater who loves me.

In these early days of pregnancy, I am quickly learning a new dimension of what it means to be a servant.  My body has pressing needs that I cannot ignore.  Every couple of hours, I have to eat.  And I can’t just eat anything.  There are certain foods that agree more with my stomach and are more nutritious.  So I have to be thoughtful in selecting what I eat.  And thanks to improved kidney function, I also find myself in the ladies room more often than before (and I already thought I had a small bladder!).  It’s as if I have an internal butler that is always asking, “What would you like?  How are you feeling?  How can I make things more comfortable for you?”

I realize that this is only the beginning of this path of servanthood.  There are yet many sacrifices to be made and needs to be met.  If I am not careful about being honest about my feelings with God, I know I could easily become resentful of this child who is so utterly dependent on me right now.  I need to keep remembering Jesus and His example of joy and selflessness.  That is the only way I can love well.

I find it interesting now that Mary’s response to the angel’s news of her impending pregnancy was, “I am the Lord’s servant” (Luke 1:38).  I suspect that she had no idea just how much would be required of her.  But her humility and desire to bless gives me inspiration to do the same.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011 at 3:00am, I woke up feeling like I needed to pee. Just before waking up, I dreamt that I was at a hospital getting a pregnancy test done and for some reason there were other people hanging around when the doctor was giving me the instructions. I turned to them and ratted them out for being so rude and staring at me. “This is important!” I yelled at them. “Stop staring at me and mind your own business!” (I told Tim about this later in the day and he said I was hormonal even in my dreams… Haha)

Anyway, I had been told that pregnancy tests work best first thing in the morning and my period was late so I decided to try out one of the cheap internet bought pregnancy test strips. In my groggy state, I stared as one and then two lines appeared. “You’re kidding,” I muttered to myself. I had not expected this – not this month anyway. The last three weeks had been so stressful and chaotic for us with Tim’s grandfather suffering a stroke and being hospitalized and then his parents’ emergency visit to Vancouver. I had also gone away for a week for a class intensive. I had thought this month was out in terms of trying for a baby.

Obviously, God thought otherwise.

Seeing the first test come out positive, I got out a second more expensive test to confirm things. Sure enough, a blue + showed up in the window. Wow, God. Really?

I headed back to bed and tried to sleep. My thoughts were obviously racing. Unable to calm myself, I woke Tim up and told him the news. The first words out of his mouth were, “How do you know?!” Ha. This would be the first (but definitely not last) time that our baby would wake him up and keep him up in the middle of the night! We prayed together, for the baby and for ourselves. And then we talked a bit about when he or she might be born. By then I was hungry so I got up to eat. The rest of the morning, sleep was elusive but we both managed to get a few more hours in.

Today has felt like we’ve been living in a cloud. We are waiting until the doctor confirms things on Monday before we start telling our family. How are we going to keep this in for so long? Grace, I suppose. Everything is grace.

They say that couples try to conceive for eight months on average before getting pregnant. If it’s true, then say hi to an average couple. =)