My name is Olive and I am addicted to taking photos and videos of my daughter. Especially on my phone.
Toward the end of my pregnancy, as we were preparing for our baby’s arrival, one of the things we did was upgrade my cell phone to a smart phone with a nice camera. We wanted the option of easily capturing the little moments and milestones of our baby’s life. But having the convenience of a good quality camera within arms reach at all times has been both a blessing and a curse.
photo credit: Preshit via photopin cc
Maybe it’s a first child syndrome, but every little thing Alena does is so intriguing/funny/amazing that I want to capture it all. In her first month life alone, we took 1056 photos and videos of her (not including the photos and videos her grandparents took). We were so amazed by this little person that we wanted to keep a record of every nuance and expression that crossed her tiny face.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s priceless that we have a record of her first yawn and sneeze. And someday, it’ll be really fun to show her the video of the first time she crawled. We will laugh at how messy she got when we let her feed herself nectarines. We’ll be glad we whipped out the camera to snap some pictures of her grandparents’ visits. Having photos and videos also allows us to share her development with members of our family who live far away from us.
But I’m realizing my obsession with capturing all these moments is bordering on being unhealthy. Here are several reasons why I think so:
I need to live in the moment. I naturally have trouble living in the present, even without a camera in hand. But whenever I reach for my camera, I dwell in the future all the more. I think, “Oh, this will be a great memory to look back on.” I get so caught up with envisioning how great it will feel to review the moment that I neglect to pay attention to the actual moment as it is happening. I’m also distracted with getting a good shot – I want to have nice composition, perfect lighting and a clear image. When I take out my phone, I divert my attention from the action and I separate myself from the people I’m with by being behind the lens. I want to be able to say “Simply living this moment and enjoying this experience is enough.”
My child needs me to model being present. Allie may still be too young to understand everything, but she is already closely observing me. If I want her to grow up to be attentive to the present, I must show her how it’s done. If I interrupt every funny or notable situation to take out my camera, she will learn to do the same. I want to teach her how to fully engage with the people she’s with; to pay attention to conversations, emotions and sensations as they happen. I want her to learn that being with people is more important than documenting the occasion.
My child needs to live life unwatched. “Kids need to feel that they are forming themselves not to be seen, but to be,” wrote Katrina Onstad in a recent Globe and Mail article. Allie needs an environment of safety where she can simply be herself. When a camera is there, she knows she is being observed. At this age, she may or may not change her behaviour, but as she becomes more cognizant, she will learn to alter what she says and does. She needs the freedom to be silly, or bored, or to make mistakes without the thought of having that moment preserved for others to see.
My child does not need my help in becoming more self-absorbed. People are born self-centered. Habitually taking and viewing photos of herself accentuates the in-built tendency. Allie is not even a year old and she already knows how to look to the camera and swipe my iPhone to see more pictures. Self-awareness is a good thing, and will develop naturally, but as David Zsweig wrote in his thought-provoking post for the NY Times, “a lack of self-awareness is part of what makes youth so precious.”
I’m not advocating putting the camera away entirely. After all, I did invest in a nice phone for that very reason and I want to have some keepsakes for the future. But I’m daring myself to take less pictures and videos and simply enjoy the moment. Care to join me?
Share your thoughts in the comments.