“It’s your big day, you deserve for it to be perfect – the way you’d always dreamed for it to be.” So goes the common sentiment when it comes to brides. This line of thinking might be good business for wedding magazines and bridal shows, but in reality, it’s untrue. If I could write a letter to all the women out there who are planning for their wedding day, here’s what I’d say:
Dear Bride-to-be,
You may have dreamed of this day for years. You may have your dress picked out and countless inspirational ideas all categorized on Pinterest. You may have a venue in mind, be able to visualize your colour scheme and know which songs you want played before you walk in. And you might not even know who you’re marrying yet.
But the wedding is not only about you.
Your wedding day is a celebration of the love between you and your groom; which means he also has a significant part in your wedding plans. Some grooms choose not to be too involved in the planning process, but that doesn’t mean he should be excluded from being reflected in the wedding. And what if his family all live in another city? There are many factors to consider aside from your own preferences.
Broader still, your wedding is a celebration for all the people who have played a part in shaping you and your future husband so that you’re able to stand at the altar together. So even though you may not like the suggestions your future mother-in-law has for your centrepieces, she has a stake in your relationship. Your groom would not be who he is if she were not in his life. The same goes for those distant relatives who keep giving you unsolicited advice. They want to give you input because they care. You do not have to agree with everything they say, but at least consider their position and treat them with respect. Your wedding is an opportunity for you to say thank you to all these people who have, to greater and lesser degrees, helped to shape who the both of you are.
Beyond that, your wedding is an invitation for your community to stand with you in the future of your marriage. The people who witness your vows are also the people who can support you and remind you of your promises when the harder times come. A marriage is not merely between two people. You need your surrounding community to truly thrive.
Marriage is an on-going opportunity to becoming more selfless. Your wedding day is only the first step on that path.
photo credit: linh.ngan