Below is the text for the eulogy given at my dad’s Celebration of Life on March 24, 2019. To watch a video recording of the event, click here.
My dad had the biggest thumbs of anyone I’ve met. As a child, I would put my scrawny little pinky next to his thumb and guess how many of my fingers could fit in his thumb. When we were with friends, sometimes I would show off my dad’s thumbs because I thought they were so impressive.
Benjamin Hing Yat Lam was born in a thriving port town then known as Swatow, China. He came into the world on the 24 th day of the 3 rd month of the Lunar calendar in the year of the Pig. He was the youngest of 13 children in his family.
When he was 10 years old, he and his mother escaped the Communist rule in China by stowing away in the bottom of a fishing boat, crammed like sardines with other desperate escapees. They spent three days at sea with no food or water, narrowly outsmarting police boats before landing in Hong Kong. With no official birth certificate, he filled in March 24 th as his birth date. Being the wrong age for school, he recorded his birth year as 1949, shaving two years off of his actual age. (So with this being the year of the Pig again, this is, in actuality, his 72nd birthday – but just don’t tell the government).
While he grew up in Hong Kong with his mother, his father lived in Bangkok, Thailand, making a living as a businessman. He would not meet his father until he was 20 years old.
At 21, he immigrated to Canada. After landing at the airport, he found out that the friend who had agreed to pick him up, his one and only friend in Toronto, had forgotten and was out of town. With limited English and no knowledge of this city, he found his way to his new school. Thus began his journey of building a life for himself in his new country – a life that would turn out to be astoundingly meaningful and impactful.
Originally a student in Chemical Engineering, he dropped out with one semester left because he couldn’t see much future in that field. He decided to study and train to become an auto mechanic instead. He would eventually establish his own car repair shop called Benjamin Automotive on Sheppard Avenue in Scarborough. This shop would become a historical landmark in the city, known for its giant yellow sign and the words of wisdom and mirth that my dad would put up for commuters and passersby to read.
In his personal life, two significant events occurred in his 20s. The first was that he met Jesus. His flatmates at the time had all decided to follow Jesus and they kept trying to persuade my dad to do so as well. He adamantly refused. You might never believe it, but at that time, he was a heavy smoker – he would joke that he smoked anything that was legal – had long hair, and was a drummer in a band. One day, while changing a flat tire on the side of the highway, he realized how fragile his life was and in that moment, he knew he needed to accept Jesus’ offer to make him right with God. He kept this decision to himself but the transformation in his life gave his secret away. For one, when he got home and went to bed that night, the little jade Buddha necklace that his mother had given him, and that he’d never ever removed, felt so uncomfortable that he had to take it off in order to sleep. The next day, he lost the desire to smoke. After his decision to live his life with Jesus, he quit smoking cold turkey. When his friends saw these things, they knew, he had encountered Jesus. For the rest of his days, Jesus was central to his life, influencing both the way he treated others and the way he invested his resources. Jesus was the best thing that happened to him and I’m sure that if he were here today, he would urge every one of us to get to know Jesus for ourselves.
The second significant event was that he met my mother, Bernadette. After meeting Jesus, he started attending church. One Sunday, he noticed a particularly pretty young woman among the singers in the choir. He wanted to get to know her. So he joined the choir too. They became deep friends and were married on February 12, 1977. They shared 42 years together, building their relationship on mutual respect and care. Their marriage would become an inspiration to many.
A few years later, in the middle of a spring night, I was born. My dad was fiercely proud of being my father. When I was born, he decided to grow a moustache as an outward symbol of his fatherhood. It wasn’t until I was 25 and he visited me while I was living in China that he decided it was time to shave the moustache off.
By the time I was born, my dad had started working as an auto mechanic. He kept long hours and worked extra hard so that my mom could stay home and raise me. He was completely dedicated to caring for our family. When everyone else was starting to open their shops 7 days a week, he decided to close on both Saturdays and Sundays so that he could spend more time with me and my mom. We would often go fishing together as a family on weekends and he showed up for all my school events and ballet recitals. One time, when I was a teenager, my friend was driving me home from a New Year’s party and the car got stuck in the snow a block away from our house. It was 3am. I ran home to ask my dad for help and he immediately came out to help get the car unstuck. He never scolded me or said I was out too late. He just loved me, trusted my judgment, and supported my decisions. I always knew he had my back.
But Ben was not only a father to me. Over the years, he acted as a father figure to countless people, many of whom are here today.
Ben was gentle, thoughtful, and eager to help whoever came across his path. Once, he even rescued a big turtle that was in the middle of the road. He was always looking for ways to encourage people – even in those last hours of his life in the hospital, he was telling the nurses what a great job they were doing, how he appreciated them and complimenting them on their nice smiles, earrings, and eyebrows. Yes, he told one nurse she had nice eyebrows.
When Ben began his Amway business with Bernadette in 1993, his love for personal development was ignited. Through this business, he grew his leadership by reading books, listening to speakers, and attending meetings. One of the biggest joys for Ben was helping people and seeing them succeed. Ben had an adventurous and entrepreneurial spirit. His car repair business and their Amway business were two businesses that grew to be established. Aside from those, there were 16 others that did not do so well. He was part of the team of people who pioneered Richmond Hill (Chinese) Baptist Church and gave leadership to the building of this very structure we are sitting in today. He invested himself in growing Showers of Blessing Evangelistic Ministry, now an organization that broadcasts all over the world with the good news of Jesus. He also became one of the first elders at The Meeting House Richmond Hill, hosting and leading a home church with my mom.
As a mechanic, Ben was one-of-a-kind. He treated customers with such honesty and kindness that he would get dinner invitations from them. He sent hand-written thank you cards and birthday cards, much to the surprise of his customers. As a boss, he not only cared for his employees, he mentored them.
Ben was also gifted in working with his hands. When my mom was pregnant with me, my parents went on a trip to Texas and my dad saw a crib on display that could convert into a single bed as the child grew. He loved the design but they didn’t have the financial or practical means of getting one. So he inspected it closely, committed the design to memory, and came home and built one by hand himself. The crib was assembled without any nails, all the joints were mitered, which meant the wood pieces were precision-cut to fit into each other. After I married Tim and moved to Vancouver, whenever he would visit, the moment he walked through the doors, he would ask, “Where’s the list?” referring to the list of all the things that needed to be fixed around our house.
Like every human, Ben had his quirks. He was fashion conscious and detail oriented. He liked his clothing to be meticulously pressed and enjoyed quality fabrics and styles. He was particularly fond of accessories such as hats, suspenders, and cuff links. His attention to detail wasn’t only for clothing, however. It showed up in other ways too, like how he would scrub our pots and pans every time he came to visit us. I would joke that whenever he came, I got a new set of cookware.
Ben loved collecting things. Being a big fan of The Beatles and the Platters, he collected every one of their vinyl albums and could often be heard humming or whistling their songs. He also collected coins.
In 1992 and 1993, the Toronto Blue Jays won back-to-back World Series Championships and Coca Cola issued commemorative cans. My dad somehow got a couple and then decided to start collecting them. Once people found out, Coke cans became the go-to souvenir. At the peak of his collecting, we had two shelves full of cans from all over the world.
Then, at some point, I can’t remember when, he started collecting frogs. He loved frogs so much that he asked me to paint some on the garage doors of our house. That became a neighbourhood landmark of sorts. The frogs held a deeper meaning for Ben, however. It was his life motto: F-R-O-G; Fully Rely On God. He truly did live in full reliance on God.
In 2009 when he was first diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, the doctors told him if he didn’t have surgery to remove the affected parts of his intestines, he would have 6 months to live. He refused to undergo surgery and trusted that God would give him however long was best. That “however long” turned out to be 10 more years. He lived to see both of his granddaughters, Allie and Kayla, be born and to share many wonderful memories with them, making them toys and even travelling with them to various places. Our most memorable trip together was to Mayne Island, a small island near Vancouver. On the last day of that trip, he found some starfish attached to the side of a couple tide pools and pried two of them off with a humongous stick. In that moment, seeing the magnitude of his joy and delight, he might as well have been the same age as his grandkids.
Toward the end of his life at the hospital, when the surgeon told him that his intestines had perforated, causing widespread infection in his abdominal cavity, he chose to accept God’s timing for his life and pass in peace rather than undergoing a highly risky surgery. He was confident that God could be fully relied on, all the way to the end.
Ben was a selfless man, deeply considerate of others. He was generous with his time, attention, and finances. Even in his dying, he waited until both my mom and I said we were ready to let him go. At the end, he waited for me to arrive from Vancouver.
He also waited for my birthday gift for him to arrive. Back in January, when I was thinking about what to give him for his 70th birthday, I decided to knit him a prayer blanket. At that time, he had the habit of sitting at his desk to read the Bible and other books in the mornings. I wanted to give him something that could keep his legs warm and remind him that he was covered in prayer. I chose a design that incorporated stitches of three, representing God the Trinity. I found the softest green yarn – green being his favourite colour but also the colour of growth and health, and sage green because sage is another word for wisdom. The five dark stripes represented the people who loved him best: his wife, his daughter, his son-in-law, and his two grandchildren. I had put it in the mail the week before and it was expected to arrive on Tuesday. I was relieved to see the notification when I landed at the airport on Monday morning that the package was out for delivery. I told my dad I had a present coming for him and I prayed and prayed that it would arrive in time for me to give it to him while he was still awake. The package arrived on Monday afternoon and I was able to give it to him in time. He was blanketed by love up until the very end.
The morning when he passed, I was the one staying in his hospital room with him. He allowed me to sleep during the night and waited until I’d woken up and gotten ready for the day before making his gentle exit.
The light and love of God shone brightly through Ben. I imagine that Jesus was eagerly awaiting to welcome his faithful friend into glory. I count it the highest privilege to have had him as my father and I know his life of love will continue to ripple out through each of us who have been touched by his life.