I have a confession: as a single person, I struggled immensely with accepting my introverted needs. “Sorry, I need to hang out by myself tonight,” didn’t exactly sound cool, you know? Mercifully, when I was in school, I had a lot of art classes, which allowed me to work in relative silence on my own. And for most of my single years, I had the energy of youth on my side, so I could get away with hopping from one event to another without having to give it much thought. For a while, anyway.
In retrospect, I can see bits of the introvert me trying to poke through here and there. Reading over my past journals and blog posts, I frequently wrote that I was tired or exhausted. Constant digestive problems were also a sign that I was overdoing things. But back then, slowing down and taking time for myself were simply not in my vocabulary. So I kept going until I crashed. And I crashed hard. (I blogged about my burnout and recovery experiences here.)
So, knowing what I know now, here are some things I would say to the single introvert Olive:
Listen to Your Body
If you find yourself relieved that you are sick in bed, thankful for a legitimate “excuse” to stay at home, it means you are overextending yourself. Getting sick is your body’s natural way of making you stop. But even before you get sick, you would do well to learn to pay attention to what your body is telling you – and to respond kindly to its needs. Headaches, stomach problems, backaches, these can all be indicators that you are pushing yourself too hard and perhaps exerting too much energy out there with people.
Your Friends Will Not Ditch You
One of my greatest fears as a single woman was that if I didn’t go watch that movie, or stay for bubble tea, or attend the board games night, I would end up with no friends (and no one would want to marry me). Well, that’s a lie. If they are your true friends, they will respect your need to pace yourself. You may not end up seeing them as often as you wish, but there are people out there who will go deep with you when you do connect. I’m not saying you don’t ever need to hang out with them, just that you don’t have to make your social choices based on the fear of losing their friendship.
Don’t Wait Till Heaven to Rest
I honestly used to think, “When I get to heaven, I’ll have eternity to rest.” It’s partly true, but God also instituted the Sabbath day of rest for us now. And I’ve learned that if I don’t take time to rest on this side of eternity, I’ll probably end up on the other side a lot sooner than necessary. Since much of how our world functions requires interaction with people, taking time to be away from people to recharge is even more of a priority for introverts. Work will always be there, and people will always get together, whether you participate or not. But you are the only person who can make the decision to take good care of yourself.
Introversion is Not a Flaw
You may think you’re the only person in the world who needs a lot of sleep, or quiet, or prefers to be alone. And that may lead you to believe that you’re somehow flawed or that you need to change yourself in order to be more acceptable. Stop comparing. And recognize that you have other strengths and gifts to offer the world. Being limited in social capacity makes you be more intentional with your time and energy. It’s a good thing.
Accepting who I am is a lifelong lesson, I think. But I believe that the more I can love myself for who I actually am (and not who I think I should be), the more freedom I have to love others for who they are (and not who I expect them to be). I wish I had understood these things sooner. But I guess everyone has their own road to travel.
{photo credit: seyed mostafa zamani via photo pin cc}