Generally, I don’t post about my marriage but today I am feeling particularly thankful. So in this rare moment, I will risk sounding like a sap and share a bit of what I usually keep private.
I had always wanted to get married, but I hadn’t truly expected to. When Tim and I were making the decision about whether or not to take our friendship to a deeper level and explore the possibility of getting married to each other, it came as a bit of a surprise to me. And the main reason I said yes to dating him was because I felt like God was clearly telling me to give it a chance.
Little did I realize how much grace God wanted to pour into my life through the person I now call my husband. Perhaps it was my independant spirit that always resisted the idea of being taken care of, but I think that being in this covenental relationship has finally given me a place of safety where I don’t always have to have it all together.
Take today as an example. Today has been a particularly difficult day for me. I’ve felt sluggish, exhausted and even my bones are achy. The most frustrating thing is that I can’t even begin to suggest a cause for this blah-dom. Tim went out over lunch and came home to find me still in my pajamas, curled up on the couch, attempting to sleep the day away. His reponse? He held me and told me he loved me. Even in my blah-ness.
It’s times like these that I struggle the most to love myself. Yet there he was, telling me he loved me.
Perhaps this is my imagination running wild, but I can picture this happening. God looked at me and thought Olive sure doesn’t get my grace. I need to send a special agent. Who should I send? Oh, I know. I’ll send Tim. He’ll be my daily reminder to her that she is unconditionally loved.
Thanks, God. Your special agent is accomplishing his mission.