Throughout this first month of motherhood, I’ve been reflecting on what I wish someone had told me about beforehand. It might not have changed anything, but I guess it would have been nice to have known some of these things. Everyone’s experience is different, but I thought I’d try to write mine down in case someone else might benefit from my hard-learned lessons.
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[Finding My Voice is a series of blog posts on key decisions I made in my 20s.]
Defining decision: To love myself as my neighbour
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The first thing I said to Tim this morning was “I’m done waiting. I’m going to go about my day however I want and this baby can come whenever.” It’s not entirely true, of course, because as long as this belly is about to burst, I’ll still be waiting. But I certainly do not want to live today in the same fevered pitch of anticipation that we lived in yesterday. You see, yesterday, we were so excited and hopeful that we had packed all our bags (PJs and all), only to make it to the end of the day completely exhausted and have to unpack some things to settle in for the night. The upside, I suppose, was that we both had really good sleeps.
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Today has been a day of waiting. Tim says it feels like we’re at the top of a roller coaster, right before the drop; holding our breaths in suspense.
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For a good number of months after we found out we were expecting, Tim and I debated back and forth about what kind of diapers to use. Should we go with regular disposables, eco-friendly disposables, wash-it-yourself cloth or cloth diapering service? (Or, should we go the traditional Chinese way and dress our baby in split pants?…) There seemed to be pros and cons for each option and we wanted to weigh them out.
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My dear firstborn,
From the visit to our doctor today, it seems clear that we are in our final days of sharing this unique and precious physical connection; of you living inside of me. The doctor said that I am close to being 2 cm dilated and that your head is quite low. My body also tells me something is changing. I am getting more frequent cramps and practice contractions and the random tears and hot flashes tell me my hormones are on a roller-coaster ride. You are definitely readying yourself to make your grand entrance into the world!
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At my weekly checkup on Monday, I finally tipped the scales at 150 pounds. So far, I’ve gained 27 pounds since my first doctor’s appointment. Not too much, not too little. I think baby’s growth is slowing down though because I find myself less hungry (especially in the middle of the night).
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