Category Archive

FOUR HOURS

I’m feeling especially homesick tonight so I thought I’d blog and see where this goes…

Yesterday, God sent me a surprise in the form of a dear friend from the True North who’s been travelling Asia and happened to be able to come by my city for a brief visit. Brief is not a short enough word though to describe how momentary the four hour visit was. Four hours was only long enough to grab lunch, pass through a local park, breeze through some of my teammate’s apartments and spend some time in musical worship with the rest of my team. Somewhere in there, we managed to have maybe 7 minutes of private conversation.

It’s gotten me thinking though… dear friends are hard to come by. Especially when you’re living in another part of the world. Time together is so very precious – and when there is distance, so very rare. So I look forward to being back in Toronto this summer, but at the same time, I dread moving away again.

Such is the life I’ve chosen. Such is the life I’ve been called to.

I can’t say it’s easy or that my heart doesn’t ache. I can’t pretend I’m a hero. I can only take comfort in the fact that Jesus is the one Friend who will never be separated from me and trust that the ache is familiar to Him too.

To those back home: I miss you all so much. Your smiles, your voices, your hugs, your presence.

To the dear friend mentioned: Thank you for being a beam of sunlight poking into my world. It really was a delight to see you. Next time you come, it’ll be for longer, right? ;)

UPROOTING THE BAOBABS

In the children’s book “The Little Prince,” there is a scene where the rose asks the prince why he so carefully combs through the soil each day, diligently pulling up the baobab sprouts. The prince answers that baobab trees, if left to their own, will grow to be one of the biggest trees in the world. In order to protect the rose and keep their little planet alive, he cannot afford to let a baobab tree take root; otherwise it would consume their space and they would die.

Similarly, I’ve been finding it absolutely necessary to comb through the soil of my heart each day looking for any hints of “baobabs.” Things like pride, envy and discontentment seem to lurk around constantly, waiting for me to let my guard down, waiting for the opportunity to take root. They just don’t go away.

Thankfully, my faith is kept not by my own efforts, but by the grace of the One who saved me.

THE ONE WHO IS

Recently, I’ve been going through a devotional book called “Praying the Names of God” by Ann Spangler. It goes through 26 names of God in the Old Testament in chronological order of how God reveals Himself to us, one name per week. The first one is ELOHIM – God the Creator.

It’s funny how God seems to orchestrate everything in life to go with a certain “message of the moment” though. The week I was learning about God as my creator, everything that came up seemed to remind me of it. And the whole week, I couldn’t figure out why He wanted me to understand Him as Creator so much. At the end of the week, at a prayer time, I was feeling particularly frustrated at my apparent slow rate of growth.

God, why do you even care that I grow? Why are you so passionate about my development anyway? It’s tiring, painful and what benefit does it give you?

Suddenly, I saw it: God as the Creator, delighting in His masterpiece(!) Just as I find joy and delight in drawing something and tweaking this part and changing that part, my God delights in the process of making me more like what He envisions me to be. Finally, I realized why God was trying to pound into my hard head the fact that He is the Creator. He IS the Creator. Not He was. Just because He created at the beginning, doesn’t mean He stopped creating. God is still alive and at work, making new creations of all of us, redeeming the world one person at a time. What hope!

LATE BLOOMER

“this one’s not opening!” my roommate was looking at one of the two lilies i bought two days before. (i had decided i needed encouragment to stay in my house to unpack.) she held up the one she was looking at: its petals were still furled, their tips barely beginning to unfold. in contrast, the other one that i bought at the same time was in full bloom – pink petals radiating out, filling the room with fragrance. it was hard not to doubt my choice in flower choosing – did i buy a dud?

fast forward two days: my roommate walks out of her room and does a double take. “woah! it opened! and it’s so big!” i beam. yep. it opened. and it’s just as – if not more – beautiful as the first one.

then, a quiet voice pipes up in my heart, you are this second lily. don’t be discouraged, your time will come. just when i’m tempted to lament the slowness of my growth, God shows up and encourages me.

how sweet it is to be loved by You.

SOMETIMES LOVE

Sometimes love has to drive a nail into His own hands, into His own hands.
~from a song i heard a number of years ago

love is about sacrifice. i can’t say i’ve mastered it. but i think i’m beginning to understand.

Lord, help me love as You love. Help me give as you give and not fall into bitterness or resentment.

PERSPECTIVE

Two tidbits of perspective today:

1. There is no power shortage in the world. According to my prof, if we could harness all the electricity that comes down to us as lighting, we would have enough electricity for the whole world and more to spare. The problem is not that we have a lack of electricity. The problem is a lack of technology. The same goes for our spiritual life. Those who have Christ also have the incomparable power that Paul can only compare to the power that raised Christ to life from the dead. (Did you get that irony? It’s incomparable but he still tries to compare it!) Our problem is not power shortage. It’s technology shortage – otherwise known as a shortage of faith.

2. I’m more idealistic than I’d like to be. Talking to a counsellor today about my recent battles of the mind, she encouraged me by pretty much saying that there will be more to come. Part of me does not want to accept that as the truth. I wish I could fight the battle once and be done with it. But the truth is that following Christ will mean persecution from the enemy. So I have no option but to cling to the greater truth: That God is with me and that His grace is sufficient.

WHERE’S OLIVE?

If anyone’s still checking on this blog, I’ll be amazed. Anyway, for those faithful friends out there, I thought I’d break the silence while I have the time to write. (actually, I should be reading my textbook for the course I’m taking in a week… heh heh).

So what insights have I had in the last half a year? Too many to list. But what I will share is my experiences in the last month of the semester that just passed.

Growing up, I didn’t have many problems with self-image and self-esteem. I always felt the security of being loved (by God’s grace) and I didn’t really understand it when those around me went through the turmoil of the teen years. That “perfect” world (in my mind at least) completely shattered in the month of December.

For about a month and a half, I battled a constant barrage of lies. Lies such as “nobody likes you,” “you’re boring,” “no one cares,” and “no one understands.” And it wasn’t a once in a while thing, it was a daily assault on my mind. I knew that they were lies, but I felt like I was drowning. There came a point when I even told God that I was having trouble believing that He loved me. The only weapons I had were the truth of the Word and the prayers of the saints. I found myself fighting for my faith – fighting to choose to believe in who God said I was, fighting to silence the accusations and discouraging words.

In the midst of the darkness, I clung to this one sentence referring to Psalm 23’s valley of the shadow of death: The soil is richest in a valley; and there is no shadow unless there is light. These last three weeks, my parents came to visit me and somehow, God used them to re-ground me in His love. I don’t know if I’m completely through the valley yet, but it seems like the ground is sloping upward. Praise God!