Category Archive

MYSTERY

i’ve been reflecting on Moses and his burning bush encounter the past couple days. the first thing that i realized is Moses’ response to God. God calls him out of this bush that’s on fire and Moses says “Here I am.” now obviously from what follows, Moses has not really met God yet because God has to explain to him who He is. so what intrigues me is the fact that the first words out of Moses’ mouth are not “Who are you? And what do you want?”. because if i were him, that’s what i would say. so it seems that Moses, over the many years of refinement in the wilderness tending sheep, has become sure of who he is and comfortable with his identity. he hears his name and he owns up to being just who he is. in comparison, i’m still very unsure of myself and as a result, i’m quite defensive. this is definitely an area i want to grow in.

another thing i noticed before is that i’m very much like Moses, always giving excuses for why i don’t think i’m able to do what God has asked me to do. what i haven’t really looked at is God’s responses to his objections.

over and over again, Moses tells God that he can’t do it. and over and over again, God tells Moses he’s being sent and things are going to be ok. finally, God’s “anger burns” against Moses. and then what? God says “ok, punk. your chances are up. i’m giving this privilege of working with me to someone else”? not exactly. God still insists that Moses take this call. but He sends Aaron to go with him. i suspect though, that because God sent Aaron out of anger toward Moses, the disagreements and strife that come with interpersonal relationships were an avoidable consequence if only Moses had obeyed the first time he was asked.

which leads me to think, God has called me to follow Him and i frequently whine and ask Him to send me a companion. i wonder if that’s the wisest thing to ask for? ;p

WHEN GOD IS ENOUGH

a couple days ago, i had lunch with one of my friends here and caught up on the summer. “Lydia” told me a story of someone she met in one of the farm towns who impacted her and encouraged her heart.

this girl is only twelve years old but she’s a deaf-mute. the first time Lydia met her, she felt a burden to care for her but she didn’t know how to communicate with her. then, she learned that this girl was going to school to learn how to read and write. so, taking out a pen and paper, Lydia asked her whether she knew that Jesus loves her. she nodded her head, yes. again, Lydia asked her whether she knew the local believers love her. she nodded again, yes.

as the people in the fellowship began to pray, this girl seemed to pray along with them. even though she could not hear anything that was going on and she could not speak, she could say one word: Amen. and she spoke it loud and clear whenever a brother or sister concluded his or her prayer! right in time with the rest of the people. Lydia was able to visit this girl a second time during the summer and the day before she went, she called their house to let them know. the day of, the girl got up bright and early and waited for the whole day for Lydia to arrive. and before Lydia even got to the door, her young friend ran and gave her a huge hug.

with tears in her eyes, Lydia reflected on the experience and shared with me how she realized that many of us busy ourselves with “Kingdom work”, doing what we think God wants us to do. meanwhile, in the life of this young girl, simply living in God’s love was enough. what a truth. though we may be called to serve in various capacities, the bottom line is that it’s simply about living in God’s love.

what a reminder. what a perspective check!

WHY

this morning, i woke up asking myself, “why am i doing this again? why am i packing my bags and moving away from all i’ve grown up with only to go to a place that makes me uncomfortable, a place so foreign to what i’m used to? why am i tearing my heart to pieces? what is it that drives me to go through this again?”

and in the stillness came the words For Christ’s love compels us… just how does this love compel me? surely it is not only a force from behind me – that as i gaze at the cross of Christ, i recognize all that He’s done for me and so, out of gratitude i go in obedience. that seems so… almost like a business transaction.

looking deeper, i realize the compelling force of Christ’s love is what lays ahead. that Christ stands in front of me, offering me hope and peace and a depth of love i have yet to fully know. and THAT is what compels me. like a child learning to walk, i see the Father beckoning me, arms open wide as i totter in my little steps of faith, always moving forward however hesitantly. why? because i know there’s a heart of Love before me. and i know He’s there, waiting to enfold me in the warmest embrace i’ve ever known.

THANK GOD FOR DIRTY DISHES

Thank God for dirty dishes
They have a tale to tell
While other folks go hungry
We do so very well
With home and health and happiness
We shouldn’t want to fuss
For by this stack of evidence
God’s very good to us!
–seen at a friend’s house

SECRET HEROES

for almost as long as i can remember, i have loved language. that a bunch of sounds strung together with pauses in the right places can be heard and understood as a series of ideas is astounding. what’s more, that a different bunch of sounds with pauses in different places can be totally intelligible to one group of people while remaining absolutely meaningless to another group of people.

this morning, i went to visit an elderly man i’ve known for a long time. we’ve always spoken in cantonese but that was never his strong dialect. so in the past, we never really spoke at all. but today was different. today, he could happily prattle off a list of places and things to see and tell me all sorts of wonderful stories, simply because i now understand his dialect.

what’s more, after the visit, i asked my mom more about him and i learned that he has a most fascinating life story. this aged gentleman who now has wisps of hair and a wrinkled old face is actually a descendant of royalty. in his youth, he learned ballet with the world masters, (for those who know the ballet world, he actually met Margot Fonteyn!). he was friends with the leading artists of his age. when his homeland’s political scene changed, however, he was forced into hiding. and i learned that the name i know him by is not even his real name.

and so, it turns out that this friendly, dear little man who calls me his “granddaughter” and never fails to let me leave his house empty handed, is actually a decendent of a king – with talent and a richer life story than i’ll ever begin to appreciate.

makes me wonder, how many of the King’s sons and daughters do i rub shoulders with and fail to recognize their worth?

i’m so glad God never has this problem!

SINFUL = FULL OF SIN

the only way i will be found faithful at the end of the day is if Jesus keeps me faithful. i have no faithfulness of my own.

UNDERSTANDING THE PROPHETS

i interrupt my letter and thank you card writing to post my most recent thoughts – my journal entry this morning at that! (actually, i’m just in desperate need for a break from my papers and cards and envelopes.)

i am understanding more and more the heart of the prophet. that the insight God gives leads to repentance and trust in Him. that the sorrow begins in the heart of the one called to speak. that a prophet lives to please God and not people.

being back here and having the platform i now have to speak out on the state of missions in our church, i recognize the unique position that God has placed me in. i am, perhaps, a modern day prophet? on first thought, it sounds lofty. but what is a prophet? it is one whom God has given a message to speak and is compelled to speak His word, despite people’s reactions, acceptance, rejection, popularity or disdain. from my experiences this past year, i know that God has given me much to speak on; that God has a challenging message for the leadership and those around me to hear and hopefully act on. i also know that this past year has taught me to speak what i know i need to speak. i can hide no longer.

i only pray that i would be full of love – that it would not all be for nothing. Lord, help me!