I always thought the life of a stay-at-home parent was easy and fun. You get to play with a baby all day, and when the baby naps, you have all this time to yourself. Now I am a part-time stay-at-home dad, and the reality of the situation is very, very different from what I expected.
My wife and I job-share. I work 3.5 days a week and my wife works 1.5 days a week. We take turns being the stay-at-home parent. One particular day we needed Olive to work all day to design a website, so I had to take care of Allie all day. I also did all the housework that Olive normally would do.
This is what a full day of taking care of my 10-month old baby looked like:
5am – Allie makes whimpering noises, like a puppy who’s hungry… I hear her and attempt to get up but my body does not listen to my brain’s instructions. After who knows how long, Olive rolls out of bed to get our daughter. “Oh good,” I think, I can sleep a bit longer. Olive is my hero.
7am – There are more whimpering noises. How much time has passed? I check the clock. Oh, she’s awake again. Already? Maybe Olive will get up since she has lots of energy… wait, she got up at 5am already, it’s my turn. Alright.
7:03am – Allie is super happy when she sees me. She squeals with delight and pulls herself up in her crib. What a cutie. How does a baby have so much energy this early in the morning?
7:11am – I start folding my baby’s laundry, which Olive washed last night. Allie “helps” me by unfolding the clothes I just folded.
7:34am – After folding the laundry 1.5 times, I start to do the dishes. But Allie doesn’t like that I’m ignoring her and starts yelling at me. So I play with her for a while. It takes a surprising amount of creativity to keep a 10-month old occupied. The dancing Snoopy game: 30 seconds. Using socks to play basketball: 2 minutes. Reading books: 3 minutes. Ping-pong-spatula-hockey: 2 minutes. I quickly run out of ideas. She is occasionally content playing on her own. When she loses interest in any game I create and starts yelling randomly I realize she is hungry. I feed her, change her diaper, and dress her.
8:15am – I’m hungry so I make myself breakfast while Allie plays with her toys. Olive is up by now and she is greeted by a squeal from Allie. My wife makes a comment about how Allie’s outfit doesn’t match, but it doesn’t matter because she’s not bringing her out and everyone will assume that I dressed her in this ugly outfit. Apparently some pinks don’t go well together… who knew? I thought pink was pink. Oh well.
9:25am – Allie is getting restless so I pack up her bag and take her to the local Circle of Friends program that the YMCA sponsors. As I look around I realize that I am the only dad… there are ten moms with their kids. The two teachers are also female. I am vastly outnumbered. Then I see another dad! Whew. I’m not the only one. Wait… he’s leaving, where is he going? WHY IS HE LEAVING ME??
It takes a while for Allie to warm up. At first she clings to me and observes the other children playing. One of the teachers passes me a brochure of the Mother Goose program. I wonder if this program is only for mothers.
9:58am – Allie is wrecking havoc. She’s the youngest child in the program and causing the most trouble, pulling all the toys off the shelves, pulling the posters off the wall, and grabbing at other kids’ toys. The other children are starting to protect their toys from my baby. Allie has obviously warmed up.
10:29am – The teachers tell me that “circle” time is about to begin. I’m not sure what it is but it sounds potentially awkward. Time to use the baby as an excuse and make an exit. “Allie’s tired,” I tell the teacher. “We’d better go.” One of the best things about having a baby is that you can always use the baby as an excuse for anything.
11:01am – After feeding and changing Allie, I put her down for a nap. She doesn’t go down easily and struggles. But after a few minutes of crying and whining, she’s sleeping. Finally, some peace and quiet. There’s so much to do… dishes, cleaning, emails… but I feel so tired. Maybe I’ll just lie down on the couch for a little bit.
11:56am – Why is Allie crying? Did she even sleep? What time is it? Oh man… I napped for an hour, how did that happen? I get Allie and scramble to make some lunch. What’s the easiest thing to make? Chicken strips and fries it is. I’m not sure how Olive does this.
After lunch, Olive skypes with her parents. Allie is fascinated by the talking heads on the computer. I take advantage of this and quickly clean up the kitchen, do the dishes, take out the garbage, and finish putting away the laundry. I am so productive without a baby.
1:35pm – I’m shopping at the mall with Allie. She cried the entire car ride there. It’s stressful driving with a baby wailing in the back. Poor kid. Poor me. I put Allie in the baby carrier – I’m always a little embarrassed using this thing. There are pink and yellow flowers all over it. How’s a man supposed to use this baby carrier and look respectable? At least it’s not bright pink.
As I’m checking out of Zellers, the cashier asks me, “Mommy’s getting a break?”
No, mommy is working I reply.
“So it’s daddy’s day off?”
Errr… I guess. But I wouldn’t really use the term “day off” – this is hard work. Harder than working in fact.
Allie is getting restless in the carrier, so we stop and I let her crawl around in the mall. After a while I put her back in her carrier.
There’s a lady that looks at me and says, “Her leg.”
“What?” I ask.
“Her leg is caught in the arm part,” the lady says pointing.
I look down. The lady is right. Allie was doing the splits and her leg was in the arm part of the carrier. Oops.
“Thanks,” I say sheepishly, clearly embarrassed.
It’s awkward carrying the baby and two bags of groceries – how does Olive do this? Leaving the mall I watch amazed as a mom with three young children walk to their car. They look so well behaved. How does she do it? I’m struggling with just one kid.
3:33pm – We’re back at home. After changing and feeding her, I put Allie down for a nap. Moments later I hear hysterical laughs come from her room. After 10 minutes of this I go back in to get her, and let her crawl around.
4:02pm – Attempt #2, let’s try again. After some weak protesting, she finally sleeps. Ahhhh… finally a bit of a breather. I write a few emails, pay some bills, ask people on Facebook if I can borrow an axe… my friend from Hong Kong asks me why I have so many friends with axes. Hmmm, that’s a good question.
5:00pm – I hear a small cry. My “break” will be over soon. Time to prepare for dinner. Making dinner with a baby crawling around is extremely challenging. I’m glad when Olive comes out of the office – at least she can play with Allie while I finish cooking.
6:03pm – Dinner is served. Allie has dinner with us. Food gets everywhere – her face, her bib, the floor, her hair… what a mess. After dinner we give her a much-needed bath (she just learned how to splash, so everyone gets wet… I hope this is a phase). Then we change her (it’s the 6th diaper change of the day… it used to be 12 when she was first born), feed her, and put her to bed.
7:15pm – The baby’s sleeping. She fell asleep quickly tonight (this does not happen all the time). Olive and I hug, as if to say, “Good job for making it through the day.” We clean up the dishes from dinner and enjoy the precious few hours we have to ourselves.
After living life as a stay-at-home dad, my respect for all parents (especially single parents) has multiplied exponentially. It is no easy job, but it is a meaningful and worthwhile one – I wouldn’t trade it for the world. And while I have this unique opportunity to care for my baby daughter I will try to remember, in the midst of the chaos of the day, to cherish it as much possible.
photo credit: madnzany