Housework can be a source of conflict in a relationship, whether it’s with your spouse, siblings, roommate, or whoever you’re living with. When my wife and I got married and started living together, one of the things we had to decide was how to divide the housework. Who would do what? And how would we decide? Though it was fun, playing rock-paper-scissors for who would cook dinner didn’t seem like a long-term solution.
If you’ve living on your own you’ll agree that there is a seemingly endless amount of housework to do. The bathroom does not stay clean for very long. The floors get so dirty. One can only delay doing laundry for so long. And the dishes! They just never end!
Over the years we’ve figured a few things out about how to make sure the housework is done without killing each other – here are a few tips:
1) Play to Strengths
The amazing thing about marrying someone who is different from you is that they are better than you are certain things. It makes sense to play to each other’s strengths, and let the person with more interest and skill handle a particular task. For example, Olive is a much better cook than I am (though I am not terrible). She also has a passion for healthy eating. So she does the majority of the cooking for us. I am more interested in money and better at numbers than my wife, so I handle all the bills and finances in our household.
2) Who Hates it More?
With some chores that no one really likes doing (or is particularly good at), it comes down to who dislikes the chore more. Olive really doesn’t like going outside to throw out the trash. I don’t particularly like it either, but she hates it more. So this is a chore that I end up doing.
3) When to Hire Someone to Help
In certain circumstances it makes sense to hire someone else to help. This is true for tasks that neither of us are able to do (like cleaning the ducts in the house), or would take us too much time and energy to do. Sundays are the one-day of the week that Olive and I put aside to rest and have fun – so we try to minimize the work we do on that day. Instead of cooking for ourselves, we will eat out or do take-out. We are basically hiring people to cook for us that day so we can save our time and energy to enjoy the day. When both my parents worked full-time, they used to hire someone to come in for 3 hours a day to shop for groceries, cook dinner, and do a little cleaning. This saved them time and energy after work so they could spend it with their children and each other.
4) Do it Together (it’s more fun)
Sometimes it’s more fun to do chores together than apart. Rather than my wife doing the laundry and me doing the dishes separately, we can do both together. It gives us time to be with each other and makes the tasks go by quicker.
When it comes to housework, remember to compliment and thank each other for work that is done. Don’t take what the other person does for granted. I try very hard to remember to thank my wife for every meal she cooked. Also, be flexible. When your spouse goes through a season of busyness, stress, or sickness, help them out with their chores (i.e. when Olive was very pregnant with our daughter, I tried to do most of the housework). And lastly, have as much fun as you can. Make it a competition. Reward each other. Sing and dance while working. Be creative and do whatever you can do to enjoy the mundane things in life.
How do you divide the housework in your marriage?
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photo credit: Zeal Harris