Tim and Olive's Blog

i’ve been hermiting these past few days. actually, that’s probably not the right term for it, but i’ll call it that anyway. on the outside, i’ve been continuing on pretty normally. although, i’ve been setting aside more time than usual to spend with God and reading His word (and less time on the computer :p). on the inside, i’ve decided to live through my day in a spirit of meditation, consciously giving thought to God more and trying to be more aware of His presence in each moment.

during this process of being still and seeking God, i’ve learned an interesting (and surprising) lesson: when you draw near to God, he increases your compassion for others. when i set out on this experiment of sorts, i thought i would feel further away from people when i got closer to God. but i found that i was actually caring more for the people around me and praying more for people. as i got closer to God, i wanted to bring people along with me! what started out as a decision out of selfishness (my original intention was to prepare for the John 4:24 event) turned into a lesson on God’s selfless nature. It’s in his nature to bless people. Right from the creation of Adam and Eve!

CONSUMER PRAYER?

if you look at the prayers the apostle Paul prayed, he asked for deep things. he asked that we would know Christ, that our relationships with God would grow deeper, that we would appreciate the breadth and scope of God’s love for us. he didn’t pray consumer prayers.

with these comments, the pastor introduced the prayer items tonight. but the last sentence stuck out.

he didn’t pray consumer prayers.

how am i praying these days? have i lost my focus on what God desires most for me? yes, God wants us to come to him for all things, but doesn’t he already know what our worldly needs are? He wants us to want more of Him. is that what i pray for? is that what we pray for?

WYRGAN

it’s interesting to note that the root word for worry comes from wyrgan, which means “to strangle.” in effect, worrying saps the life out of a person. in the Bible, Jesus tells us again and again not to worry. but in my life, i find myself worrying and worrying. i know i worry because i don’t have enough faith that God will take care of my needs and desires. and every time i confess my worries to God, He proves himself faithful – despite all the times i doubt Him(!).

my most recent encounter with His sovereignty came in the form of an email this morning. those who know me would tell you that i’ve lived in residence at York for the past two years. i was planning on staying there again come september, but due to some medical issues, i had to appeal to transfer buildings. this meant that i’d have to risk not getting into res again (simply because of the sheer number of applicants). by the end of june, all my returning res friends had received their room offers, but i still hadn’t gotten any news from the school. i only knew that my appeal had been granted so i was on the list for the building i wanted. so last week, i gave the housing office a call to check on my status. the lady very kindly told me to start looking into other options as i was somewhere in the middle of a stagnant waiting list. great. that would mean i’d be living at home this year. normally, i would not take it so hard, but something deeper was bothering me…

you see, since high school, i’ve always viewed school as a place of ministry. as a student, i have opportunities to reach people i would never otherwise have. for this reason, i decided to live in res and subsequently, stay in res. ever since first year, i wanted to hold investigative bible studies with non-christians but the circumstances were not right either that year or in my second year. my hope was to finally get to have them in this coming year. but if i didn’t get a spot in res, i didn’t know how i could pull it off. my second concern about not living in res was for all the froshes coming in september. i personally know at least four of them and i reeeeeeally wanted to be there on campus for them. part of me was wondering whether i’m just a spoiled brat, wanting to get out of the house and enjoy the convenience of living on campus. i did a lot of soul searching, asking God to show me if i had impure motives, asking God to take away these dreams if they weren’t from Him. i also asked Him to help me let go and let Him decide what was best for me. i heard nothing.

which brings me to today. this morning, i opened my email to see one titled, “Room Offer – Bethune Suites.” apparently, there was a discrepancy in the way my application was handled so i was now their priority to place! they promised me an offer in the mail by friday. i think God was shaking His head, whispering to me with a smile on His face, “i told you child, don’t worry!”

and so, Lord, i am humbled yet again by Your presence in my life. i am humbled by Your persistence and love for me, despite all the times i doubt and reject You. thank you so much.

A MAZE OF GRACE

oh my, these past few days have been a flurry of activity! writing it all out is such a daunting task, but i will do it because i need to write it down. a testament of God’s grace, if you will.

on friday night, we held a joint fellowship event at the ROM between NTCBC’s Josiah and RHCBC’s SALT fellowships. jon came up with the idea back in may and we decided it might be a neat adventure to undertake, so we did. and how it grew! originally, i thought we’d just gather some interesting tidbits or artifacts for people to go around finding. it would be a scavenger hunt for our fellowships, a time where teammates could get to know each other. but as things progressed, it started taking the shape of several short talks around the museum. vicky signed on and a short time later, lillian decided to join us as well. jon wanted to talk about ICTHYS, the Jesus fish (or, more correctly, the Jesus, Son of God, Saviour fish). vicky was interested in some of the artwork at the Images of Salvation exhibit. and lillian wanted to talk about the ancient text scrolls.

less than two weeks before the event, i still had no clue what i would be talking about. i’d been to the museum countless times, but nothing jumped out at me. hoping jon could help me decide on a topic, we wandered around the exhibits for a while. he asked me if anything caught my attention at all and i said, “well, there’s this wall that’s built by nebuchadnezzar…” so we went and stood there, staring at it for a while. then, we noticed that there was a huge map of the mesopotamian region right next to the wall. intrigued by the history, i took out my study bible to find out more about this king and his contemporaries (i knew from before that daniel was in the picture somehow). as i flipped the pages, my bible opened to a page in 2 Samuel of a map of the Conquests of King Nebuchadnezzar; pretty much the exact map that was posted! i knew then that this was my subject. there was no question about it.

honestly, i’d never had so much fun and excitement in researching a subject than when i went digging for this talk. every new fact shed a light on the subject. the ultimate moment came when i was sitting on my bed at home, reading jeremiah when i came across chapter 29, verse 11. i had known the verse well from numerous occasions of quoting it, but this time, i understood it in an entirely new way when i finally read it in context. i’ll post my findings in another article for those who are interested. :>

so thursday night rolled around and we met at vicky’s house to finalize everything and put the booklet together. it was the first time all of us could meet together since debarking on this project. it was also the first time i got to meet lillian! everything fell into place that night. we all knew the spirit of God was very present with us. after listening to each other share what we learned, we saw a common thread in each of our talks: God uses all sorts of people. from nebuchadnezzar, to constantine, to ishmael and issac, to various artists, God’s purpose was achieved through their lives. God uses odd people! how comforting. ‘cuz it meant that God could use us, too! the booklet came together so easily and after we’d finished lil’s page, jon and i discovered several small “coincidences” that blew us away: the text matched the picture of hagar and ishmael that it was sitting on (ie, the word “shoulder” was on hagar’s shoulder, the words, “i cannot watch my boy die” were on ishmael). the four of us also had an awesome time of prayer just praising God for his work in history and in our lives. we left vicky’s house late that night, tired, but excited about what the next day would bring.

i spent most of my day on friday making all the booklets and remembering everyone in prayer. when i got to the ROM at 5:30, my heart started going crazy. seeing all the people milling about suddenly made me so nervous! i kept saying silent prayers asking God to calm me down. jon and i went to each spot where talks were going to be held and we prayed over them. but even after praying, i still felt uneasy. i needed peace and all i had was a noisy brain on overdrive. :T i think we all needed peace at that moment. we needed to heed the words of psalm 46:10 “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” after taking care of some other details, i retreated to philosopher’s walk for several minutes alone with God. in the silence, He reminded me of why i was there, to give Him glory and to serve the people who were coming. after that, i felt grounded again. i knew it would be all God or nothing.

by the time it was 7:30, we had a sizeable group and jon and i started our talks. i was still nervous so i kind of pity those who were at my first talk. :p time flew by and soon i was giving my second talk. this one went much better, despite the fact that bigjon was taping me! then it was time to head down to the vatican exhibit. personally, i’m not too fond of renaissance or baroque style art. i found too many of the paintings looked too ethereal and not down to earth enough. many of them were not true to biblical text either. but even so, i appreciated the expositions from vicky and jon. as we were leaving the ROM to go for dinner, someone pointed out that the byzantine dome at the entrance of the museum had the words, “that all men may know His works.” that summed up our whole evening perfectly. God was in the ROM and we had experienced it.

“I think God took the little bit of trust we gave him, and opened the floodgates wider than we’d hoped.”
that’s exactly it, jon. exactly.

ALL ABOUT OLIVE

“why did your parents name you Olive?”
“is that your real name?”
“Olive? as in martini, Popeye, olive oil?”
i get these comments a lot so i thought i’d do a little write-up on why my parents named me after a fruit.

this is the verse my parents based both my english and chinese names on. the biblical origin of my english name is pretty obvious but there were also secondary influences. the street we lived on when i was born was Olive Ave. in North York. we also knew a couple who were close friends of our family and the wife’s name was Olive. i grew up calling her grandma Olive.

my chinese name is more interesting, i think. the first character is “yee”, meaning to trust or lean on. the second character is “tzee”, meaning deep love of God. so just as the verse says, i am to be like an olive tree who leans on God’s unfailing love.

having a name that is so rich has been very helpful to me. it’s my constant reminder of where i should draw my strength from. i only hope that i can give my kids names that are as meaningful!

on a side note, “Lam” in chinese means forest. so if you stretch the translation a little, my name could very well be “olive tree”!

and since i know you’re probably wondering, yes, i do eat olives. i don’t like green ones but black ones — yum!

ON FRIENDSHIP

it dawned on me today that the older people get, the harder it becomes for friends to stay close.

looking at my parents’ generation, it’s very rare to see the same level of friendship between peers as we have in ours. as people finish school, get jobs, move away, get married and have families, it takes more and more effort to maintain the kind of accountability and support that is such a huge part of our student lives. if you ask me if i have friends right now who i could share my toughest struggles with, who’ll pray for me and check up on me, i could name you a handful. but how many friendships like these do you see in the generations above us?

looking ahead, i’m afraid of the changes my friendships will go through. i want to desperately hold on to what i enjoy right now. but i know i will have to choose the ones i am willing to let go of and which ones i will sacrifice for in order to keep. i don’t know if all close friends inevitably drift, but i pray that i will always have at least one friend i can confide in and pray with throughout my walk in life. she won’t ever take the place of Jesus, but she’ll be the human extension of Jesus to me.

WHO AM I?

i had a chance to chill with some old friends from high school this evening. our topic of conversation somehow meandered to a discussion on walking away vs. confronting a person who – to put it crudely – gives you crap. they each cited various examples from their lives of situations where they felt they had had enough and they needed to stand up for themselves. “walking away is a sign of strength, but if the other person doesn’t see it as that, they’ll just think you’re weak. you need to put them in their place sometimes.”

perhaps. but i knew they wouldn’t understand if i had told them that for me, knowing who i am in Christ means that i don’t have to make sure people have the perception of me that i’d like them to have. knowing that i am valuable enough in God’s eyes to put his grace into action to save me means that i don’t have to be concerned about what others think of me. and i don’t have to worry about being taken advantage of if i’m living for His approval only.

incidentally, for anyone who’s interested in more on this idea, Richard Foster writes brilliantly about it in a chapter on Servanthood in his book “Celebration of Discipline.”

oh, there’s always so much to learn. what a joy! :)

BREAKING FREE

when a butterfly breaks out of its cocoon, it struggles – long and hard. but in the process of struggling to get out of the cocoon, it pushes the extra fluid out of its wings so that when it is released, it can fly. if you were to “help” the butterfly along by cutting the cocoon, you would end up with a half developed butterfly that can only fall to the ground.

as much as i hate to admit it, i need to struggle, too.

“guard your heart,” God said. but it was too easy not to listen. we’re only friends, we can talk every day, go for dinner alone, hang out – just the two of us…

“guard your heart,” He whispered. but God, you’re still first in my life! i still spend time with you every morning. it’s true, i might be thinking of him more these days, but…

“guard your heart.” i’m trying!!! really. it feels nice to be treated special though…

“guard your heart, my love.” i’ve failed, God. my heart hurts. now i see why commitment is essential before emotional intimacy should be entertained. i deceived myself. i was selfish. not only did i not guard my own heart, i didn’t guard his either! i’m sorry, Lord! heal me?

“i always love you. you are my child.” right. i’d almost forgotten…

i guess sometimes i need to fall before i understand a lesson. hopefully, i’ve learned this one this time.

REFRIGERATOR ART

one of my all-time worship analogies was given to me by a dear friend while he was leading worship. he said that our worship in the eyes of God is like refrigerator art. just as a parent proudly displays his child’s art on the family fridge, God sees our offerings as something valuable to be treasured and shared. the art may not be fabulous – a few “circles”, colouring outside the lines, or even (as another friend of mine described it) froot loops stuck on construction paper – but it is viewed with delight and joy.

God does not demand that we are perfect before he takes pride in us. he only asks that we give him our all and our best. of course, that is not easy. but it gives me comfort knowing that i can present all of me – the broken parts, the hurting parts, as well as the fully functioning parts – and he prizes me just the same.

how awesome it is to be, first and foremost, a beloved child of God!!

LIGHTWALKING

today was my first time being on a film set. production: THE FIREBIRD by the National Ballet of Canada. i was recruited by one of my profs to help paint the set. when i got there, i realized i knew the lighting designer. he asked me if i was free on friday to do some lightwalking… basically, they’ll pay me to walk around the set under the lights so they can see if the intensity, focus and colour are to their liking. personally, i think it’s a great term.

lightwalking.

then i realized… that’s how i want to live my life in Christ. walking in His light. i want to be a lightwalker for life! of course, it’s not quite the same as lightwalking for a film crew. in Jesus, i don’t do it for anything or anyone other than my relationship with Him. i won’t get a film credit for it. i certainly won’t get paid for it. maybe someone will gain from watching me walk, or maybe not. but i believe walking in this light will be much more exciting and interesting than walking around in a cement industrial building. and the ultimate rewards will be so much richer.