Tim and Olive's Blog

nothing much to post today. i feel like it’s been a long time since i put anything new up, but honestly, nothing much has happened. i’ve been painting a fantastic and colourful set of backdrops for a production of Caillou. it’s been great living in a childhood story-land. but the project finished today. next project? painting our garage doors. :p

onto deeper things… something i’ve realized this week is that in an hour-long commute to work, it is possible to have a wonderful conversation with Jesus. i always packed a book to read, but i found that i had so much i needed to sort out in my head before school starts that my time was much better spent talking to God. i was extra glad for the time on the days i couldn’t wake myself up early enough to do devos before i stepped out the door. :>

oh yes, another thing about myself that i’ve been reminded of (yet again): i need to give more. it’s such a challenge.

HIDING UNDER A BOWL?

working in the theatre industry, i see a lot of “worldly ways.” like, this job i’m at right now, i’m painting with a professional designer and painter who’s gay, involved in the gay community and sings in his church choir. he’s a wonderful person to work with and we have some great conversations. i know that some people who claim to be Christians would condemn him for his lifestyle, but in my heart of hearts, i cannot. i find that i can only pray for him more. when he opens up his gay newspapers at lunch, i get such mixed feelings. i know that homosexuality is sin in God’s eyes, but how do i make it known that that’s how i see it? i can’t tell him how to run his life, nor can i say to him “you’re wrong.” i guess when Jesus hung out with the “sinners,” he never had to tell people their sin. they knew, just from being in His presence. oh, that i would allow Jesus to be seen in me so that these friends of mine can be drawn to His grace!

tonight, i had another experience that made me think about this business of being light in the darkness. but this time, it was among my church friends. being the strange creature i am, i haven’t actually sat down to watch TV in a very long time. so it felt very odd for me tonight. i hadn’t realized just how much sex is glamourized in the media! all those images made me feel sick. but internally, i struggled with whether or not i should speak up. ‘cuz i didn’t want people to think that i wanted to be holier than them. i was relieved when someone else commented on the garbage we were watching and we put on a clean movie instead. but in retrospect, maybe i should have spoken up. i need to learn to stand up for God and let God take care of my reputation. i need to stop hiding this light.

COSTLY

recently, God’s been bringing the same verse to me over and over again.

One sentence jumps out at me: You are not your own; you were bought at a price. i know this is God, challenging me to really let Him own me. to live under the authority of Jesus Christ. i’ve also been challenged recently by two other pieces of writing.

the first one is Quest for Love by Elisabeth Elliot. in this sequel to her book Passion and Purity (which, incidentally, if you’re between the ages of 15 and 25 and you still haven’t read it, read it!), she presents examples and counter-examples of people who give their lovelife over to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. she explains that when we focus our eyes on God and concentrate on doing His will in purity, He will bring the right person at the right time. there is no need to scout. the part that challenges me the most is to keep my thoughts and emotions between me and God while waiting in patience. her view is that by God’s design, men should be the initiators while women should be the responders. but before initiating or responding happens, both should wait on God in prayer. (if you have issues with this view, read her book).

the second thing that put 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 in real-life terms for me was written by a martyr (unfortunately, i don’t know his name). it speaks for itself.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until Heaven returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My colours will be clear.”

REALITY

last night was the 24/7 event. but more than that, i encountered a side of Jesus i’d never experienced before.

as a symbol of our confession, we wrote our sins on a slip of paper and nailed the papers to a wooden cross. as i held my piece of paper, i was so reluctant to get up from my seat and walk to the cross. i didn’t want the weight of a hammer in my hand. i didn’t want to hold the nail. and most of all, i didn’t want to feel the impact of the hammer meeting the head of the nail, forcing it deep into the wood. i didn’t want to be responsible for crucifying my Christ. but as i wrestled, Jesus told me that i had already crucified Him countless times. i’d just never acknowledged it. every little step i took away from His will, i’d driven the nail into his flesh. every impure thought, every broken promise, every time i’d ignored a cry for help, every hint of pride.

clang.

metal to metal. hammer to nail. i could not run away from my guilt. i had nowhere to turn and no place to hide. He had taken it all. why He’d pay such a high price for a wretch, i will never understand. i only know that in response to a grace so lavish, i can only desire one thing: to let Him live through me.

ON TRAVELLING TOGETHER

i dunno if it’s just me, but maybe someone else notices this in their life: whenever i’m going through a struggle, at least a couple other people in my life are facing the same thing. and when we share about what we’re dealing with, a beautiful thing happens – we encourage each other.

i haven’t really noticed this effect before, but it floors me that God uses our failures to heal each other. or more accurately, He uses our willingness to be transparent about our shortcomings to help each other. we are mutually built up when we carry each other’s burdens. there is much joy in that thought, and i can’t help but marvel at God’s awesome design. :>

SLOWLY SELF-DESTRUCTING

sometimes, i think there’s a communication gap between my brain and my body. i just managed to stub three of my toes walking from my computer to the garbage can on the other side of my room. at work today, i hammered my thumb. and the other day, i whacked my elbow on the ceramic soap dish in my shower. that didn’t stop hurting until the next day. sigh. i think i’m still growing… as if! lol.

been doing some reflecting on everything that God has brought me through this summer. all the lessons i’ve learned. all the experiences He’s given me. the people i’ve met. the friendships that have developed. i’m really grateful for the time i’ve had just to read. all these new ideas; i feel like my mind has expanded so much! i’ve come to a new appreciation of God’s word as living, dynamic and exciting to study. and i’ve realized the importance of free and total abandonment to Christ in every moment of my day (not saying that i’ve reached it, but now i know it’s something to strive for). i hope and pray that i won’t forget these lessons when the busyness of school comes crashing down. i suppose this is one of the reasons why we need each other, to keep us accountable. :)

BLANK

my mind feels blank. it took me an hour to get to work today and 1 1/2 hours after i started working, they told me there was nothing left to do until tomorrow. took another half hour bus ride to meet my mom to go home. two hours of travel for 1 1/2 hours of work. what a day. i guess it’s a good thing i’m getting paid more than $2 an hour! :p

no profound spiritual insights lately. although, i was reading The Message translation of the the book of Matthew this morning, and the sermon on the mount made a lot more sense. sort of related to that, i’ve been praying for God to convict me of sin daily. ‘cuz i want to experience His grace and new mercies. i want to be sold out to Jesus, but it always seems like there’s so much garbage in the way. i am so easily distracted. oh, how heaven will be so sweet; nothing to take my eyes off Jesus.

anyway, i’ll leave you with a couple passages i read this morning:

BALLERINA GIRL

growing up, whenever i heard that song by lionel richie, i would secretly wish that someday, i’d be at a dance and out of the blue, my special guy would dedicate that song to me. i still think it’s a sweet idea, but i think it would make me sad more than anything ‘cuz i’m no longer a ballerina girl. that, and the notion of me being at a dance with a special guy seems very far off at the moment… but that’s not what i wanted to write about today. :P

i got a call from an auntie this evening, asking me whether i’d be able to dance for her music group’s outreach concert at the end of the month. it’s a chinese christian group and they do a lot of music ministry. unfortunately, i haven’t danced in three years, and three weeks would not be enough time for me to prepare something (especially since it’s a chinese song!). so i had to tell her no for this time.

deep inside, i miss dancing a lot. sometimes, i wonder how different i would be now if i had majored in dance rather than visual art when i was in high school. but i feel like i’m still waiting to return to dance. although, i’m not sure if i’d go back to ballet.

one of my dreams is to take some modern classes, learn sign language and combine them in worship. i know people have done this already. some call it body worship or interpretive dance. it’s sort of ironic that i’m currently preparing one for this saturday. but i want to be able to express the songs with a solid knowledge of what movements i’m using. i want it to be an educated piece of art so that i’m really giving my best to God. it saddens me that dance is not incorporated into our worship more and that so few people are encouraged to learn it.

i’m biased though. i’m a kinetic worshipper; my heart worships most fully when my body reflects my emotions.

POWERFUL WORDS

we looked at the story of Jonah in sunday school today. i haven’t read it in a very long time so it was refreshing to read it again. one verse in particular jumped out at me. i think it’s self explanatory, so i’ll just post it for you to chew on…

ouch.

some other words to chew on that i just came across…

TEE HEE

while rummaging through old papers in search of an address, i came across what could be my all-time favourite short story. i got it from my grade ten english teacher, who read it to us as a break from regular stuff. she was a little off the wall. but so am i. so here, i present to you, the African tale called

One day, a farmer was in his field, getting ready to pull some sweet potatoes out of the ground in order to sell them at the market, when one of the sweet potatoes said, “Fine, now you want to pull me up and sell me, but all the time I’ve been growing, you’ve hardly given me any water.”

After the farmer left, the King pulled up his favourite chair. As he did, the chair laughed and said to the King, “Can you believe that farmer? Who ever heard of a talking sweet potato?”