Tim and Olive's Blog

we were discussing the pros and cons of having multiple circles of friends. how it’s good because a large network allows you to connect people to the help they need. but also how it’s tough because it’s hard to keep yourself transparent in all circumstances. my friend’s comment got me thinking about my own friends and acquaintances. if a classmate were to come hang out with me at fellowship, would they see the same person? if my christian friends were to drop in on me at work, would they recognize me? if my parents stayed with me in res…? i guess it all comes back to living Christ 24/7 and being acutely aware of it. or is it possible to be in such a habit of living Christ that one does not have to stop and evaluate anymore? hmm…

on a lighter note, i went to send my hair off yesterday. fourteen inches of black, braided hair. since the office is in florida, i had to declare what was inside the package. so, yeah, the customs label had “contents: hair”. and it was marked as a gift. :p i can only hope that the customs inspector doesn’t pass out. :)

WIND BENEATH MY WINGS

i don’t know how many people prayed for me yesterday but i know someone was. it was weird. the dark cloud that was over me when i woke up in the morning slowly lifted as the day went on. it dawned on me in the afternoon that the emotional darkness was perhaps a part of the spiritual battle we’re fighting. i saw my naivete in thinking that it would be smooth sailing – especially in the face of chairing our ccf and running investigative bible studies in res. so thanks to all who prayed for me. the battle’s just beginning…

MORNING

woke up at 7:30 this morning. didn’t get out of bed until 10:30. didn’t want to get up. i dunno what it is, but i can’t seem to get over this feeling of futility. i have so much to do in this next month but there’s no motivation to do it. just want to curl up and sleep everything away. argh. need prayer.

WISHING FOR HEAVEN

when i was younger, i’d go into this little pit of loneliness after a weekend church retreat, simply because i’d go from being surrounded by friends to being home alone with my parents. for some reason, i’ve hit that funk mood again. maybe it’s ‘cuz this summer has been so good. maybe it’s ‘cuz i know once school starts, the hanging out will dwindle to almost non-existence. maybe it’s ‘cuz i’m home alone tonight and everyone else is either out with friends or on vacation. in any case, it brings me back to my struggle to be content. it seems like no matter how much i am determined or how much i desire to be satisfied with Christ, i still have this nagging void. i wish for certain friendships, but i know that even if i were to have them, i would still feel the emptiness. it saddens me.

this world is not my home.

post script:
while searching the keyword “home” on the bible online, i came across a most disturbing verse:

if you read chapters 19-21, it traces the story behind the verse and the repercussions of the incident. the conclusion comes in the last verse of chapter 21:

sorta reminds me of some other time in history…

UNITED

this past thursday, friday and saturday, i experienced the body of Christ in a fresh and new way. if you’ve been following my updates here, you’d know that i was helping my mom do make-up for a chinese evangelistic drama. the organization that put it on was Showers Of Blessing Evangelistic Ministry (they have TV and radio shows as well). the experience was new for me in several ways. i’d never really done make-up before for any show, i’d never worked with an all chinese-speaking group and i’d never worked on a drama where the cast and crew were all Christians.

although doing make-up was fun, it didn’t thrill me as much as knowing that every single person was there for one purpose. we were all there to serve God and bring people closer to Jesus. each moment was completely covered in prayer. the whole company met from 1-2pm for a prayer meeting. then, an hour before showtime, we met again to pray. when the drama was over and the pastor was speaking, everyone backstage met to pray again. it was just awesome.

another thing that brought much joy to my heart was that even though i was the newest (and youngest) person in the group, they all accepted me with no hesitation. and no one minded that i would always pray in english. the unity was both incredible and very beautiful.

looking back, those three days were yet another gift of grace in a seemingly endless stream that was the past four months. this summer, God has poured out his blessings on me. time and again, He placed me in situations i’d never expected or asked for; proving His faithfulness and relentlessly pursuing my heart. Lord, who am i compared to Your glory? Lord, who am i compared to Your majesty?

COME WHAT MAY

psalm 23. i haven’t read that in a long time. i mean really read it. so i’m glad our speaker chose it for the sermon scripture this morning.

lately, i’ve been asking God to show me how to live life fully satisfied with Christ alone. something from the sermon this morning was, “if we find ourselves wanting something, it’s because someone else is our shepherd.”

i haven’t had to face much death in this life so far. i don’t fear my own, but it scares me that i will inevitably face the death of those who are close to me. this verse reminded me that even though i’ll have to face it someday, i am taken care of.

i will fear only God. (notice it does not say, I will not fear evil.)

wow, this describes my life thus far. i have been sooooo blessed! Thank you, God!

tonight, i had a really awesome time of fellowship and conversation with a friend i usually don’t get to talk to very much. we chatted about all sorts of things, one of them being how God is teaching us what it means to become an adult. on the way home from dropping her off, my tire hit a nail and i had my first flat tire. i’d never known how a flat tire would sound so it was by God’s grace that i had the wits about me enough to pull over to a gas station and check the funny sound. :p i’ve also been blessed with an auto mechanic for a dad, so guess who saved the day?! :) when the whole ordeal was over and we were on our merry way home, i realized that learning how to check a flat tire and change it with a spare tire was another step toward becoming a grown-up. :T

other reflections on my experiences with the drama this weekend to come tomorrow.

SUGARPLUM FAIRIES

oh there are too many thoughts in my head!

i had my first “real” experience as a make-up artist today. i’m helping my mom for a chinese evangelistic drama at TCCC tomorrow and saturday night. tonight was the final dress rehearsal. even though my job was just putting foundation on all the actors, i still took a couple observations away from it.
1. i really take joy in knowing that even in this small, unnoticed task, my God can be glorified. it’s great to be a part of the body of Christ. :>
2. it’s a weird sensation having to touch so many people’s faces. :p

since i didn’t post an update yesterday, i’ll just say that the garages are finished and i’m at least two shades darker. it only took me a total of 10 hours. i thought it would take much longer. now my mom’s going around telling everyone she knows to drive by our house. and my parents are trying to come up with something for me to paint on the garage doors at my dad’s car repair shop… (i think they’re being chinese, finding ways not to waste the extra paint! lol.) at least i know that if i can’t find a job, i have something to fall back on – custom garage door painting. :)

changing topics again, i’m wondering why humans question God so much. like who’s in control here? does He not know what He’s doing? better yet, do we know what we’re doing? so why do we keep questioning His reasons? i get frustrated at myself for coming back again and again to this fundamental question. but then, i was thinking about people in the bible and i realized i’m not the only one who questions. and i think some more and i realize i can’t begin to fathom the depth of love God must have for us, to be so patient with us and still continue to bless us.

anyway, i’ll leave you with one last thought that stuck out at me today. during the prayer meeting before rehearsal this afternoon, we looked at joshua chapter 3, just before the isrealites were to cross the jordan to capture jericho. one sentence the leader prayed encouraged me and also made me think. he said something to the effect of, Lord, we did not choose to fight this battle, but You chose us to. huh.

SUNBAKED ME

you know when you’ve been out in the sun too long and your hair smells funny? yah, that’s me right now. i didn’t think it would be so hot outside today but five minutes into pencilling in the design on the garage doors, i had to come inside to get my sunglasses (‘cuz staring at white hurts your eyes a lot) and change into shorts. a couple of my friends came over to watch me paint. i enjoyed having the company. it’s not often that i get visitors. (thanx for coming!!) :> had a nice discussion about the direction for york’s ccf. in the course of the afternoon, i managed to paint all three frogs, minus their hands and feet. can’t say i’m thrilled with it yet. but i know all my art projects are like that. i start out not liking them and by the end, i think they’re alright.

i’m feeling a deep sense of loss today. over a number of things. over things that shouldn’t bother me. but it’s nothing some intense journaling and scripture can’t cure. :)

FROGS, FROGS, FROGS

frog painting starts tomorrow. just spent my whole evening looking up pictures of red-eyed tree frogs as sources for what’s going up on our garage doors. should be cool. went to buy paint today and one of the paint guys, after he found out what i was buying for, said, “i wanna drive up and see this!” yeah. i promised i’d send them a photo when i’m done. :> we’ll see how far i get tomorrow.

anywho, been thinking lots about my commitments and responsibilities come september. wondering if i have too much on my plate. asking God for my version of Gideon’s fleece. i can only trust His judgement. Fully Rely On God.

ENOUGH

i wrestled with God again. it was a most enjoyable day capped off by a most lovely evening. and i was at my friend’s concert tonight. i went with a couple friends and i saw many other friends there. in all, i was surrounded by love, both human and Divine. but surprisingly, it was during the concert that i wrestled with God. it’s been the same question for the past few weeks now. a question rising from my own greed, impatience and lack of faith. God challenged me with this: If I give you what you wish for, would you be satisfied? What if i didn’t give it to you, would you still be satisfied? Where is your sense of completeness coming from? and i am humbled yet again.

i love God’s grace. one of the soloists sang the old hymn His Eye Is On The Sparrow tonight. i clung to the words in this song a little under a year ago when i was going through some rough waters with a friend. (if you know me, i even changed my icq nickname because of the song). and as i sat there listening, i couldn’t help but smile, knowing that the friendship was now restored, we were both sitting in the theatre and God had proven Himself faithful once again. i was even more touched when the next song was Great Is Thy Faithfulness. at that moment, that was all my heart could say. and i was assured that His promises would ring true in all the other areas of my life as well.

on a side note, i found out that someone actually has their computer set up to tell them when i update my blog. ack! ;p well, sometimes, i’d like to know how you’re doing, too!